This Side of Yesterday
by Raven Sinead
Summary: It's the smaller stories, Doctor...the ones so often unrecorded, that are the most important. The deeds of heroes are nothing without the remembrance of private moments, what shaped them. I would not have mine go untold. And I can think of none better to share them with...than you. - A retelling of ME1 through the eyes of Liara T'Soni. First and third person POV. F!Shepard/Liara.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: As much as I wish I owned this story and its universe and characters, I don't. All content belongs to BioWare. I'm just having fun with it. Also, this is my first fic written for Mass Effect, and any feedback/critique would be greatly appreciated. Bright Blessings, ~R.S.

* * *

**Thessia**

The sun broke over the hills of the city, washing the world in pale light, signaling the end of another long day. The doctor walked through the white, sterile hallways of Thessia Medical, pinching the bridge of her nose, each step leading her closer to the sliding doors, the kiss of air, and the sweet taste of freedom after a day-long shift.

The doctor's hands shook faintly, trembling with exhaustion and the over-abundance of caffeine running through her system. Though she tried to deny that the stress of coping with her hyper-critical colleagues affected her in any sort of way, she could not lie. It had been difficult, defying the social norms of her people's culture, finishing standard schooling, biotic training, and entering from thence immediately into the most difficult medical program offered by Thessia's oldest and most renowned university.

She had not even entered her matron years, and the high and mighty surgeons at Thessia Medical tended to upbraid her for it. Only in the operating room did she feel secure in her training, could she drown out the hushed whispers over the intercom in the overhead observatory. When a beating heart lay splayed open on her table, then there was calm, validation, belonging. All else faded.

The doors were before her now, the promise of freedom step away, when a voice shattered her determination.

"Dr. T'Aryn!" a nurse ran up to her, almost frantic, a chart flashing on her omni-tool. "Dr. T'Aryn! One moment please!"

T'Aryn's heart began to pound as she looked between the nurse and the door, debating between freedom and duty. She groaned inwardly and turned, attempting to school her expression into something other than ire. Her appearance was off-putting enough to her fellow asari. They did not need her glaring at them to further damage her reputation.

"What can I do for you?" she asked, cringing as her voice came out too rough, far cry from the melodious and soothing tones attributed to those of her race.

"You've been asked to consult in the ER." the nurse stated, holding up her omni-tool in the universal symbol, asking for a sync.

T'Aryn reluctantly brought up her own wrist and watched as the nurse transmitted the information in a matter of microseconds. The chart flashed up on her display, but T'Aryn ignored it, preferring instead to get the information first hand.

"Is the patient being admitted to the cardiac floor?" she asked, wondering which day shift doctor she could pawn this off on, so she could get through those doors…_so close_…to home, to freedom, to Mira's smile and embrace and pot of coffee.

"She says she's fine, but her EKG is reading an arrhythmia, type not yet determined."

"And the doctors down there aren't qualified to make a simple diagnosis?" T'Aryn frowned as the nurse looked away from her eyes.

"The chief of emergency services specifically requested a cardiac specialist for this patient." the nurse explained, tugging on T'Aryn's elbow, impatient, knowing it would be her career on the line if the chief's orders were not followed promptly. "You're the only one not in the OR, and I know it is the end of shift but…"

"I'm coming." T'Aryn sighed, closing the chart and opening a message screen, typing a quick, frustrated note to Mira, explaining, as briefly as possible, the current situation.

Even though Chief T'Sere was not the head of her department, T'Aryn knew it would not benefit her already struggling career by ignoring one of the head staff members of the Medical Center. Perhaps, if she could complete this inane, surely simple diagnosis and treatment, the chief would put in a good word for her with Dr. Ela T'Vari, her own chief and harshest critic.

_It is not standard practice to employ a surgeon still within her maiden years_, T'Aryn remembered Dr. T'Vari's greeting, _no matter test scores or reports from your supervisors during your residency. However, if you consider yourself able to perform under the scrutiny of your fellows, I have no option but to give you this opportunity._

T'Aryn had left that office with ice in her veins and a fury in her heart that did injustice to the galactic stereotype of the asari being calm, gentle beings. She had clenched her fists to contain her upset, concentrating on what her mother would say, what Mira would say, should she lose her dignity and temper in front of her administrator.

She followed the nurse into the elevator, staring longingly through the glass at the brief peeks of the world revealed as it traveled down from the twelfth floor to the first. The nurse led her through the maddening maze of shift change, the mass entrance and exodus of each day. T'Aryn rubbed the grit from her eyes and stumbled as she tripped on the fresh mopped floor.

"I am so sorry, Dr. T'Aryn." the nurse apologized again. "But you were the last resort. The chief _insisted_."

"It's all right." T'Aryn assured the nurse, who couldn't have been much older than her. She idly ran her fingers over her omni-tool, having forgotten to bring up the patient's chart after sending her message.

_This is not a good idea, _she warned herself. _I am tired, cranky, and already under the microscope. Not to mention that my bedside manner suffers at the best of times, and this is already seeming to be a high profile case. An arrhythmia? Really? _

T'Aryn gathered her composure and attempted to plaster a smile on her face. She opened the door to a private room, strange for an emergency room patient…and immediately caught her breath. The asari sitting on her exam table was breathtaking. Obviously into her matron years, she rested with a composed grace, ankles crossed, hands folded into her lap.

She looked up with a smile crossing her cobalt lips, a smile that reached her blue eyes…until she looked at T'Aryn. Then her expression faltered, her breath caught audibly in the small exam room, and she lifted a hand to her chest.

T'Aryn immediately keyed in her omni-tool and ran a scan of the asari's heart. It beat at a furious pace, but with no abnormal or erratic beats.

She rested her hand on the asari's shoulder, maintaining eye contact. "Are you all right, Matron?" she asked, cursing under her breath as she brought up the asari's chart.

T'Aryn's face drained of blood and her own heart began to hammer so loud she did not hear the response. Her career was over, done with, license stripped and tossed away, like it had never existed, never been fought for. She bit her lip and examined the chart, attempting desperately to ignore the name at the top.

_Dr. Liara T'Soni._


	2. Chapter 2

**Thessia**

T'Aryn looked from the name on her chart to the quiet asari sitting there with an enigmatic, sorrowful smile on her lips. All of her training flew from the window as T'Aryn recalled seeing this face far too many times. Plastered across the vid screens on the anniversary of the Reaper war, standing on the steps of the temple of Athame, giving a speech of remembrance and regret…the only one living who had been in the center of that great conflict…who would still speak of it anyhow.

T'Aryn creased her brows, knowing that there were appropriate questions to ask, protocols to be followed, but the words typed on the chart had lost all definition and meaning. She took a deep breath, attempting to restore her calm, to _focus_ on the patient…a hero…a goddess be damned war hero.

"It's all right." that mellifluous voice, so much more real than on the recordings or live camera streaming. "I assure you, I'm fine."

T'Aryn wiped her now sweaty palm on her wrinkled lab coat and swallowed the lump in her throat. "I doubt that." she managed to rasp, too brusque, hoping that her voice did not offend the graceful matron before her. "Oh, goddess." she hissed, realizing her blunder. "Do forgive me…"

"Dr. Liara T'Soni." the asari of legend extended her hand and T'Aryn shook it, thinking the distinctly human greeting somewhat odd, but admiring the strength in that seemingly delicate hand. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Sen T'Aryn." she managed to remember her own name, alarmed as a pained crease pinched Liara's facial markings. Immediately, some part of her training returned. "Are you experiencing any symptoms?" she asked, keying her omni to scan once more. "Shortness of breath, dizziness, any tightness or pain in your chest?"

"No." Liara shook her head, making even that seem the most graceful of gestures. With her here, in person, it was so difficult to see the battle hardened asari of legend…somehow twisted by the war from a gentle, naïve archaeologist to a biotic valkyrie. "I was but…it's done now. No reason for concern…it is something I am accustomed to after three hundred and twenty seven years."

A quick glance at the chart revealed Liara's age. Four hundred and thirty seven…far too young to be exhibiting symptoms of cardiac distress. Sen frowned. She exhaled, preparing to ask further questions when the door of the room burst open, revealing an exquisite asari…the imposing form of the chief of cardiology.

"Dr. T'Soni." Chief Ela's voice rang through the room, a low alto that somehow contrasted with the rare lavender of her complexion. T'Aryn took a step back…the chief held a formidable, intimidating presence, carrying herself as though she were a matriarch.

However, as disconcerted as she was by the presence of the chief of cardiology, Sen T'Aryn could only find herself grateful. Ela's presence meant that her part, ineffectual and brief though it had been, was over, and that she could go home, as she had been longing to halfway through her shift.

"…you should be admitted for at least a day's monitoring." Ela continued, and Sen realized that the chief must have been speaking the entire time. "I will attend to your care myself, and you will, of course, given your status, be housed in a private room."

"With all due respect to your profession, Dr. T'Vari," Liara spoke, and Sen wondered how she had blanked out their introductions, "I do not think it will be necessary. I am feeling quite well and…"

"I must insist." Ela interrupted, and Sen's eyes widened at her gall. "Your health is nothing to be trifled with, and, given your position, you must consider not only your own self, but all of Thessia, perhaps the galaxy as a whole."

Liara sighed and Sen caught a flash of irritation in her eyes before they returned to that calm, serene blue…a color so fashionable now that many asari underwent a painful procedure to alter the color of the iris to that famous shade.

"I will submit to the monitoring and tests…" the chief opened her mouth and Liara raised a finger, halting the older asari's words. "…under one condition."

"Name it." Ela spoke, not nearly as concerned for Liara's health as she was for the reputation of Thessia Medical.

If word got out that _the_ Liara T'Soni had been in the ER, discharged without proper examination, and something were to go wrong…the _galaxy_ would be outraged.

"Grateful as I am for your offer of monitoring my care yourself, I would prefer to remain under the care of Dr. T'Aryn."

"What!?" Sen spoke before thinking…_again_…and Ela's countenance flushed a deep purple with a mixture of surprise and indignation.

"While Dr. T'Aryn is _qualified_," Ela stressed the word in a demeaning manner, "I would suggest, if you continue to insist on refusing my offer, one of our more seasoned specialists."

"Dr. T'Aryn, or I will leave now." Liara countered, rising from the exam table, filling the small room with a force of presence that left Sen feeling slightly claustrophobic.

The chief's lips pursed and she keyed in her omni-tool, seeing at once to the admittance and transfer of Dr. Liara T'Soni to the twelfth floor cardiology department. Liara submitted to the transport by wheelchair with a quiet grace and dignity that left Sen stunned after the display of force.

_Why me?_ she wondered as the chief rounded on her, violet eyes sparking.

"You understand the importance of this patient, Dr. T'Aryn?" she asked, and Sen nodded, her shoulders tightening and nostrils flaring. "Good. Then you understand the consequences if you are not to be found in her proximity for the duration of the monitoring."

"Yes, chief."

"Excellent." the chief shook her head. "T'Soni's." she grumbled. "Always so improbably headstrong."

Sen stood there as the chief left, momentarily stunned. She knew the chief had survived the Reaper War…but had no concept of any sort of prior relationship with the T'Soni family.

_They were powerful before the war…until Matriarch Benezia sundered the family reputation by siding with Saren…until Liara rebuilt it. Goddess, what am I going to do? And now I can't leave and I'm so tired…and Mira. How much more of this will __**she**__ be willing to endure? _

Sen straightened and sighed, attempting to ease the kinks out of her back. She retraced the steps she had taken earlier, sagging against the elevator wall and glancing balefully at the outside world that had been denied her…again. A nurse met her on the twelfth floor and led her to the room where Liara had already been ensconced and the requisite wireless devices placed to read her heart rhythm for at least a full day and night, as was standard procedure. Although, Sen could easily anticipate chief recommending two days of constant surveillance for _this_ particular patient.

The nurses left to make their rounds and Sen rubbed her hand along her crest. "Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable, Dr. T'Soni?"

"Yes." she smiled. "Call me Liara."

The informality stunned her and she shuffled her feet before staggering to the couch and sitting down.

"You must be very tired." Liara murmured, her voice sounding too…intimate…for a complete stranger. "I do apologize for keeping you here, Dr. T'Aryn."

"Sen, please." Sen extended the courtesy of informality, watching that brief flash of pain in Liara's eyes again. "And I am more concerned by your presence here, in truth."

Liara laughed, melodic, soulful, haunting. "Oh that is quite easy to explain." she smiled, white teeth gleaming against the harsh artificial light. "It is never wise to complain of a dizzy spell while vid conferencing with an utter mother hen of a krogan clan leader."

_Mother hen…_Sen fumbled with the description, attempting to place it before giving up and resolving to search it later.

"Urdnot Wrex?" she asked, cringing inside as she realized she may have opened a door the esteemed Dr. T'Soni wished closed.

"The very same." Liara offered that smile again, and Sen felt more at ease immediately. "So you know the story then." her voice lowered, sounding almost regretful.

"What was taught." Sen offered, unable to comprehend the melancholy in Liara's eyes…not for an intrusion made but for an opportunity denied? "The names of those who played a part. The major battles. The crew of the Normandy."

Liara nodded, as though expecting the answer. "That…that seems to be all the galaxy cares about now. Who can blame them…after three hundred years, most of what remains of the war are the scars in the earth. Very few, save the asari and krogan, are alive who remember that time."

Sen wanted to comfort the matron, but did not know how. Instead, her eyes watched Liara as the asari lifted back the stark white of the hospital issued robe and rested her fingers on the simple black and silver bracelet across her left wrist.

_Liara T'Soni…bonded? _Sen wracked her memory, attempting to recall an announcement of such a momentous occasion, but could find nothing. _It must have been in secret…and I do not blame her. The shy archaeologist of history, if she still exists, would probably hate and avoid any scrutiny surrounding her or her bondmate. _

"I am sorry if I have brought back unpleasant memories." Sen apologized, knowing that, no matter the cost, this was the _one_ patient with which to at least _attempt_ bedside manner.

"Not at all." but Liara's voice was not in that room, not in that century. "But few will ever know of the pleasantness of those times…krogans want to hear of their battles, turians their prowess, quarians their cunning, asari their wisdom, humans their glory…damnable glory. But there were…there were beautiful moments in between the horror."

Sen looked around the room, the collar of her tunic suddenly too tight. She attempted to loosen it, not knowing whether to step forward or backwards.

"We have…time to dispose of, if you are not averse to conversing. Chief T'Vari forbade me from leaving the hospital during your stay."

"I did not mean for that when I asked for you." Liara amended, her brow creasing with that emotion that was…too much…too soon…for reasons unfathomable.

Sen waved the concern away, refraining from looking at Liara's face, finding her eyes, open and frank and honest…unsettling. "It's nothing, truly. The chief is very much looking for a reason to upend my career. Prejudice against an asari in her maidenhood attempting a matron's career."

"I know the feeling." Liara nodded, empathizing with the doctor…another shock. "Perhaps, then, that is where this story should begin."


	3. Chapter 3

**Liara**

_Come on, come on! Work! _My fingers danced over the console, attempting to remember those hours spent in a stale room with Professor Lereya's voice lulling me into a catatonic state as she droned on about Prothean technology and its various applications. I tried to draw on that uncaring lassitude, that classroom fugue state, now, but my hands would not stop shaking as I turned dials and pressed buttons with a speed bordering on frantic.

A fine whisper of silt danced down the walls and stuck to the sweat on my skin. I wiped my brow, wincing as my fingers came away stained purple with blood.

_Damn!_ I scratched around a corroded dial with the edge of my fingernail, willing it to move as I heard the skitterings of the geth, much closer now than they had been moments before.

_Geth_! the very word set my heart racing, faster than it had been. _They haven't been seen beyond the Veil…ever. _I continued digging around the dial, attempting to gather enough breath to blow the dirt away. I knew the make of the device, and its intention, but convincing the ancient thing to _work_…_that_ was another matter entirely.

With a prayer, I twisted the dial, stumbling backward as the console activated with a low, electronic hum. A blue shield flickered in front of me before solidifying into a protective bubble. A shield…or a jail? Whatever the case I hoped it would keep me safe.

The sounds in the depth of the ruins were muted now. I could hear only the slight vibrations as the heavier armaments moved through the tunnel.

I scoured my mind, trying to remember anything, any warnings that may have been present when I researched Therum. Nothing. Surely, someone, somewhere would have heard of something as outrageous as the geth straying beyond the Perseus Veil. Surely, even though they were not considered a council race, the quarians would have warned the galaxy that their errant creations were running amok.

_If they knew_…the thought sent a shiver down my spine.

I stared at the console whose creators had brought me here, a light blue glow emanating from it. I paced back and forth, staring at it, confused, trying to piece together what little information I had. Nothing. I threw my hands up in despair and wiped away yet more sweat, wincing as my nail grazed the shallow cut on my head, left by a falling rock as I raced deeper into the ruin, away from the geth who had landed on the surface, not an hour ago.

_Think_, I forced myself to breathe, to calm the pounding of my heart, and focus. _I need…I need medigel, and water, and my omnitool. My bag…I need my bag. _

I reached for the satchel I always carried…looked up…saw it laying near the console, discarded and unfelt in my hurry. Everything I needed lay just outside my reach.

"Goddess bless." I spoke aloud without thinking, clapping my hand over my mouth as I realized that the geth, whatever they wanted, whatever they were looking for, might be able to hear me.

I could do nothing. I had even removed my omnitool earlier in the day when reaching into a particularly tight crevice. I had no weapons, save my biotics, and they would avail me nothing while locked in this bubble.

_You know just enough, Maiden T'Soni_, Professor Lereya's annoying monotone rang in my thoughts, _just enough to get you into very deep trouble. _

It was the truth. The fury of fleeing for my life drained out of me and I collapsed to a heap inside of the bubble, staring at everything I needed outside my reach. Deep beneath the earth, there was no chance my omni would even function, but half a chance was better than none at all.

I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, thinking, for the first time in many years, about my mother. About the argument we'd had before I left for university…

* * *

_"History?" Benezia stares at me and I tremble in the power and focus of her gaze. "Cultural studies? You are shaking, Liara." she frowns. "Such pursuits are admirable. Without knowledge of the past we cannot look to the future with any sort of clarity."_

_ I clench my hands into fists, attempting to prepare myself, to tell the entirety of the truth in front of this imposing being who somehow gave birth to me. I know I am still a child, but it does not preclude me from knowing what I __**want**__…and that she has the power to take it from me, should she so choose. _

_ "Those are simply introductory courses, mother." I inform her. "I have decided to confine my area of expertise to the study of Prothean society and culture, to discover what knowledge has been lost…and why they themselves vanished."_

_ Benezia's nostrils flare, but in her face is that impassive calm that she requires for her work. It is why every species listens when she speaks, why even the councilor seeks her advice. _

_ "I think you should reconsider this, Little Wing." she offers, but I know that it is not a mere request. Perhaps, were it another asari, and not the vaunted Matriarch Benezia, I could take it as such._

_ "I will not." I shake my head, trembling as I defy her presence in my life for the first time in my memory. _

_ And my mother laughs. It is not a kind laugh, not indulgent. It is subtle, but I can hear the vibrations of mockery within…and it serves but to strengthen my flickering resolve. _

_ "Oh very well, Liara." Benezia dismisses me…her daughter…with the same wave of her hand that sends away the staff. "Do whatever you feel you must. However, some parting wisdom, my child. Our future, which we must ever look to for survival, cannot be found in our past. We learn from what came before, but to immerse ourselves in it is to lose ultimate sight."_

_ "I…I accept your wisdom, mother." I tell her. "But my decision remains unchanged."_

_ Benezia turns and walks from the room. "Time will teach you what I cannot, Liara."_

* * *

I huddled in the ancient Prothean shield, dwelling on that conversation as the sounds of footfalls drew nearer and I heard a voice ordering the geth to spread out and search. I bit my lip as my throat went dry and sweat beaded on my forehead in the heat of the tunnels.

"You win, mother." I whispered, beginning for the first time in my young life to contemplate my mortality…something very few asari in their maidenhood ever did. Even those who became commandos.

_In searching out the past, I may have sacrificed my future. _Even if this shield protected me from those searching the tunnels…for whatever reason…I had no food and, more importantly, no water.

I tried to be brave as I sat there, alone and afraid. "Goddess help me now."


	4. Chapter 4

**Liara**

I had no way of marking the passage of time. All I knew was that quite a bit of it had passed. This deep beneath the earth, the tunnels did not cool and I continued to sweat. Thirst became a living thing, a viable adversary pitted against me as fear continued to accelerate my heartbeat.

In vain, I licked my chapped lips, attempting to moisten them. Those who watched me did not notice and could not care. Three geth stood near an old piece of mining equipment, some sort of drill I imagined, though it was not my area of expertise. They had slipped into the room beneath the one I had locked myself in, silent as death itself and staring at me with their one luminous eye.

I shuddered, suddenly cold in the oppressive heat, wondering if I would be dead had I not been encased in a biotic bubble. I felt naked beneath the geth's mechanical gaze, and knowing they could not touch me did not make my predicament any easier.

_Oh Goddess what am I enmeshed in now?_ I wondered, hearing thuds against the wall. Through the bubble I could vaguely make out more biotic barriers across other entrances. _It must have been the console…perhaps it activated more barriers than simply this one. Which makes me wonder about the original intent of this place…before it became a mine. A bunker, perhaps? A safehouse? A prison? _

I closed my eyes and attempted to focus on a place not here. I pictured the warmth of the Thessian sun, the light and gentle winds, not this stale, oppressive air. Still, I could not remove myself, even with thoughts and memories of home. This situation was too clear, the eyes of the geth on me too fierce, the harsh growling voice somewhere in the distance that could only be a krogan.

I shivered again, hoping that he could not somehow find his way to this level of the mine…krogans simply did not have the patience to tinker with complicated Prothean technology. The console would receive a shotgun blast, likely as not, and who knew what would happen then?

_In fact, I am surprised the technology still works. If not undone in __**precisely**__the right manner, it could become unstable and…oh Goddess…_

I refused to look at the console; refused to think of what might be. As of this moment, the barriers were in place and I was safe.

_Safe,_ I mocked the very thought even as I tried to convince myself. _Nothing is safe anymore…not even a life digging in the dirt on obscure planets. _

I thought of the lives I didn't want when I was younger. Most maiden asari chose to travel the galaxy, seeking thrill and excitement and adventure, joining the commandos or signing themselves on as mercenaries or dancing on exotic worlds for myriad species. But no. I had wanted something different. To find something…something that would alter the course of history, change everything that we knew about ourselves. In my own way, I had accepted Benezia's plans for me, to follow in her footsteps of urging the galaxy forward…_just…not the way she wanted._

_But I will die in this mine_, I thought, swallowing down air. _No one will even think to look for me for quite some time…if at all. It is not as though mother worries. She stopped doing that…years ago. And that is my fault, I suppose. Always trying to be so fiercely independent. Damn it! Damn it! I am __**not**__ going to cry. I am not!_

But the tears betrayed me and slipped from my eyes, over my cheeks, cleaning away the dirt on my face. I did not want to be here. I did not want the eyes of the geth on me ever watchful. I did not want the broken elevator that would bar me from escaping if the barrier dropped. For the first time in my life, I did not desire the life I had chosen.

I thought of the stories I had read as a child, of the great heroes who would sweep in and save those in distress in a grand gesture. They were all tales written by those of other species…especially human literature. The asari had no such stories. We were the oldest race in the known galaxy, the founders of the council…and we were our own heroes. Our own salvation. Among the asari there were no swooning damsels, desperately in need of rescuing.

_Until now_, I disparaged myself. _As if my mother needed more than a pureblood daughter to shame her. _

So I sat there, with no way out, no water, no options…and no hero. Time passed and thirst became a monster, sticking in my throat, making my chest hurt, gnawing at the edges of my vision and turning it fuzzy. I thought nothing of it when I heard gunfire, saw the brief flare of muzzle flash in the tunnels…until I heard the smack of incendiary rounds against the armored exoskeletons of the geth.

They fell before they could return fire, and hope quickened like a fury in my chest. I watched as a squad of three entered. I recognized a turian, and the other two looked like asari…except that their helmets were not crafted quite right.

"Up there, commander." the turian saw me first and I backed against the furthest wall of the bubble.

_Military?_ I wondered. _What are they doing here? Is it because of the geth? Can I trust them? _

"Ma'am, are you all right?" the figure in black armor spoke, reaching up and removing her helmet.

A halo of fire poured down and I caught my breath.

_A human?_ I wondered.

I had met a few, but they were rare on the deserted planets that my passion called me to. Benezia had regarded the entire species with disdain, calling them headstrong and ignorant, prone to using threats when reason would suffice, and violence when a threat would have been enough. She claimed they wanted to rule the galaxy, not simply act as part of it, and from what I had read of groups like Cerberus…I believed her.

"Can you hear me?" the human spoke again.

Unsure if I could trust them, but knowing I absolutely _could not_ trust the geth, I raised my voice as much as possible.

"Yes."

"Are you Dr. Liara T'Soni?" she asked.

I nodded my head, but, uncertain if she could see the gesture through the bubble, I forced myself to speak again, ignoring the clawing pain in my parched throat.

"Yes."

"I'm Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy, and a council SPECTRE. We're going to get you out of here."


	5. Chapter 5

**Liara**

_It's worse! How can it possibly be worse!_ I did not know much of the workings of the galaxy or the council, but I did know that the council would _never_, under _any_ circumstances, give SPECTRE status to a human. They were too new to the galactic whole, their history incomplete, their status still unrecognized. Of course they were allowed an embassy on the Citadel, and rumors had spread of their quick acclimation to discovering the larger parts of the universe and integrating…but this…this Alliance Navy commander calling herself a SPECTRE? It could not be possible. Councilor Tevos would not allow such a thing, even if her salarian and turian counterparts had caved to the insanity of the notion.

"Is there a way we can reach you?" she called across the distance that separated us, eyes scanning the area. "The elevator to your level won't function."

I bit my lip, wishing that I did not have to speak again, further aggravating the pain in my throat.

"I don't know." it hurt so much to speak. "There should be another way…but there's a barrier between you and the working elevator."

Commander Shepard turned to the other soldier, who I now assumed was also human. "Chief? Anything?"

"Dead end, Skipper." the voice amplifier made the reply crackle across to me, and again panic set my heart fluttering.

_Hope…only to have it dashed. _

"Vakarian?" she turned to the turian.

"Given further examination, the mining equipment might break the barrier. I cannot account for the safety of it, however." he answered, the sound of his voice comforting me.

It was a remembered cadence, often heard during my travels. And turians were not quick to trust, or to follow. If this one…this Vakarian…could take orders from this woman, she must have some merit. I bit my lip and attempted to hope again, attempted to think I might be free, maybe even…safe.

"Make it work." Commander Shepard ordered, terse.

"Dr. T'Soni," she addressed me again, but somehow the tone was different from before. Not the voice she used to give orders, but not politely conversational either. "We can hash out the formalities later, and rest assured we will do everything we can to get you out of here safely. But I _need_ to know if you have any knowledge of the whereabouts or actions of your mother, Matriarch Benezia."

_What? Mother? Why? Why is a supposed SPECTRE asking about my mother? What has happened in the time I've been away? _

"I haven't spoken to my mother in years!" my volume and urgency increased as I heard the krogan's bellowing from somewhere deep in the tunnels. "Please, _please_ get me out! There are geth all through the tunnels, and a krogan leading them…I do not know anything about my mother, I swear it."

_Just get me out of here…please…I can't breathe. _

The pain in my throat combined with the lightheadedness and dehydration and once again I felt the threat of tears I could not afford to spill. Not here. Not in front of this woman. She had asked me about Benezia and claimed to be a SPECTRE. If she had been honest about her work for the council, I could not trust anyone. In my current condition, I could not even trust myself.

"Vakarian!" Shepard barked. "Update."

"The equipment is old…a mining laser, probably abandoned when the mine was closed." the turian replied, prompt and efficient…but I did not take him for a soldier. Another SPECTRE perhaps? "But I believe it has enough power remaining for one blast."

"These old walls…" the other soldier spoke. "Firing that thing might bring them down. Not to mention the age of the equipment, skipper. Could blow up."

"That true?" Shepard turned to the turian.

He nodded. "Possible, but an acceptable risk."

"Not for me." the commander spoke, and my heart withered in my chest. "Dr. T'Soni, how safe are you in that thing?" she asked.

"I…I don't know." I answered, hating that those words seemed to be all I could think to say.

_I have my doctorate from the oldest university in the known galaxy! I am one of the leading experts in my field! Why can I think of nothing other than "I don't know!?"_

"Get down." Shepard ordered, and I ducked as she raised her weapon.

The shot fired and crashed against the barrier, the incendiary round exploding as it hit the protective bubble and being rendered ineffective. The walls around me did not even ripple.

"Good enough." Shepard claimed, turning to her squad. "Williams, Vakarian, get as far away from the laser as you can. Weapons up, keep me covered. If it punches through that barrier, there might be geth on the other side."

"Aye aye." the other soldier replied, backing away from the mining laser and lifting her rifle against her shoulder; the turian followed suit.

I watched the commander approach the laser and manipulate the controls. I tried to comprehend what was happening around me. She had said the risks were too great…but then asked for my safety and made sure her squad were as far away from danger as possible…taking it upon herself.

_But she is their leader…this does not make any sense. Perhaps it is their inherent madness of the human species, as Benezia spoke of. Mother, where are you. Are you all right? _

"Firing!" Shepard called a warning, entering the final command on the laser's panel.

The earth bucked wildly as the laser fired, and I could hear the sizzle and see the flash of what I hoped was the barrier evaporating.

The commander stumbled back from the laser as the ground jerked. I watched from the security of the bubble, unable to do anything as she fell to the ground.

"Go!" she shouted, getting to her feet.

The turian and the other woman rushed through the broken barrier, Shepard following them, her rifle at the ready. I waited, feeling sweat trickle down my back as no sounds of gunfire erupted from below. My nails bit into my palms as I clenched my fists, afraid as I had never been. I felt as though I were doomed either way. SPECTREs had full right under galactic law to hold anyone with pertinent evidence to an investigation…and _interrogate_ them however they wished. _If she is what she claims, this could go very badly for me. _

A shiver ran down my spine as the working elevator lifted them onto the platform. Commander Shepard strode across it, staring down at the console.

"It's all Greek to me." she muttered, and I attempted to comprehend the words. She looked up through the visor of her helmet. "A little help, Doctor?"

I breathed deeply and attempted to find the strength to speak when the other soldier…Williams…interrupted.

"A word, skipper."

"Make it snappy."

"We're relatively safe at the moment." Williams gestured to me with the barrel of her rifle. "Garrus and I can watch the entrances. No better time to investigate than with a captive audience."

"No." I could not stop myself from pleading. "I will go with you, commander, and answer any questions as best I can. But please…please get me out of here."

I hung my head in shame. The daughter of Matriarch Benezia asking a human for help like a petulant child. Even with my mother's vilifying of my chosen profession, I had never felt so humiliated.

"I advise against it, skipper." Williams warned. "She might be working with the matriarch…and with Saren."

_Saren? Who is…wait…I think I recognize that name? _

At that moment the earth shifted beneath us, chunks of dirt raining down from the ceiling and pounding off the barrier.

"The fuck?" the commander stumbled as a sizable rock grazed the edge of her helmet.

"Firing the laser may have triggered a seismic event." I warned her, desperate to get out of this _damn bubble!_ "Please…we need to get out of here."

Shepard punched a code on her omni tool. "Normandy this is Shepard, need immediate evac planetside at the mine entry coordinates, do you copy?"

"Roger that." a voice crackled on the other end of the communication.

"Help me out, Dr. T'Soni." Shepard encouraged, facing the console once more. "How do I shut this thing down?"

Feeling that if I spoke once more, my throat would begin to bleed, I merely pointed to the various controls and nodded as the commander…grasped them more quickly than any person, even myself, could have.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Skipper." Williams warned as the bubble began to flicker.

"How much time have you spent underground, Ash?" Shepard asked, her fingers whispering over the ancient Prothean technology with a speed even someone with my expertise could not match. "Enough to know when it might come crashing down around your ears?"

"Well…no…but…"

"No arguments." Shepard snapped, and the threat in her voice made my spine stiffen. "Pretty sure the doc's spent more time in sketchy mines like this than the three of us all told. She says seismic event, we damn well read seismic event and run like hell. Clear?"

"Aye aye, skipper." Williams answered, though she did not sound pleased to admit it.

The barrier fell and at the dissipation of the pressure, I swayed under the influx of fresh air and the return of clear hearing and sight.

Strong arms caught me and I looked into the inscrutable black of Shepard's visor.

"I'm sure you've been through hell down here, doctor." she spoke, low. "But we don't have time. As soon as we hit planetside, we'll get you taken care of. Can you hold out 'til then?"

I nodded as the earth trembled again.

"Vakarian, take point." Shepard ordered. "Williams, watch our six." the visor loomed over me again. "Stay by me, Dr. T'Soni. We'll get out of here."

_To what end_? I asked as I followed them. _Safety? Or something worse than that bubble and the geth? Goddess…Mother…someone…help. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Liara**

We raced through the tunnels, and my lungs burned as I attempted to keep up with the punishing pace set by the turian. Commander Shepard remained beside me, her head turning this way and that, scanning for enemies. Every now and again we would hear the mechanical footfalls of the geth and my heart would race, wondering if I could even call on my biotics to aid my...companions? Captors?

_So tired…so weary…and I cannot see straight. Would they even appreciate my help? Williams seems to think I am a threat but thus far the commander has been…kind?...if in a militaristic fashion. _

The ground shuddered again and the thud of falling rocks echoed around us. Shepard grabbed me by the arm, rough, and forced me against the tunnel wall as a pile of rocks thundered down, an unsuspecting geth from the level above brought with it.

Shepard pulled a pistol from her thigh holster and turned, keeping her body between me and the enemy as she fired, hitting the geth in the upper portion of its body, the pistol's smaller ammunition doing nothing but keep the creature off balance.

The geth continued to advance through the dust and the debris, which was surely obscuring the other's view. I reached deep into my flagging reserves, straining to push through my exhaustion. I reached out with my hands, tracing them along the curved lines of the geth's exoskeleton, hardening the loose biotic field into a stasis. The geth froze and attempted to lift its weapon, faltering as I squeezed tighter around it, ignoring the white haze in my peripheral vision.

Shepard took advantage of the opportunity, holstering her pistol and running forward, grabbing the rifle she had discarded to save my life. She took aim and felled the geth with a headshot. The explosion of the incendiary round struck the biotic barrier and I shuddered as I broke the stasis. My knees turned to water and I stumbled against the wall of the tunnel, feeling suffocated, hyperventilating.

A light tap of gloved fingers on my cheek kept me from surrendering to the white bliss of unconsciousness.

"Dr. T'Soni?" the commander's voice, tone inscrutable due to the helmet's voice amplifier. "Are you all right?"

"I…" I coughed from the dust of the tunnel collapse, "…I think so."

Shepard pulled up a map on her omni. "Vakarian, Williams!" she snapped as keyed in our location, "Status!"

"Five by five, Skipper." the other human's voice came through the dust as she clambered up the rocks left by the tunnel's collapse.

_Five what by five what? _I wondered if there was some human equation that made such a strange statement an accurate assessment of one's well-being.

"Unharmed, Shepard." the turian spoke.

"Keep moving then." Shepard glanced around. "Eyes sharp. We're almost to the entrance now, but the tremors are getting worse. Dr. T'Soni," even through the amplifier, her voice was stern, "no more biotics if you can avoid it. You're obviously in rough shape, and my orders are to get you out of here alive."

_To what end!? _I wanted to demand the information, to know _where_ they were taking me and why. I had not contacted my mother in years…a simple vid call to any of her myriad assistants could have validated that statement. In fact, I imagined her new hires would not even know of my existence, unless it were mentioned to them.

"Are we clear?" Shepard asked, and I realized that this was not the first time she had made this inquiry.

I managed to nod an affirmative, finding it more and more difficult to breathe in the cloying dust from the cave in.

"Move out!" she ordered, and we resumed the same positions as before, quickening the already murderous pace.

My legs were trembling and I fought to keep breathing, to ignore the white haze in my eyes that had somehow grown larger. I clenched my hands into fists and kept walking, determined to get out of here, at the very least. Then, if given time, I could somehow try to sort out this absurd situation into something that made sense.

When we reached the top level of the mine, I was shaking, covered in sweat, and breathing far too heavily. The turian slowed as we approached the entrance and we struggled to keep our balance as the ground shuddered once again. I looked up, fear rocketing through me as I saw the krogan barring the entrance, flanked by four geth.

"Thank you, human." the krogan spoke, tone derisive. "But I believe I can escort the young doctor from here."

"Not a chance." Shepard spoke, a resolve in her voice that warmed me…and discomfited me. Just because she would not relinquish me to the krogan did not mean she did not have her own plans for me. "Tell you what, back off now, and I might just let you chance it with this earthquake. Make me fight…and I'll bury you."

The krogan laughed and it sent chills skittering down my spine. "You dream of such glory." he scoffed.

"You working for Saren?" Shepard crossed her arms and rested her weight on one leg, a position of casual comfort…not prepared for a standoff with a dangerous enemy. It worried me.

"Don't waste my time." he growled.

"Down!" Shepard roared, as a geth read a signal from the krogan battlemaster and fired the rocket launcher on its shoulder, firing directly at the commander.

She jumped away, catching me about the waist and tackling me to the ground. Pain pierced my chest as my breath rushed out and I could not seem to draw more. The thunder of the explosion rang painfully in my hearing, and chucks of dirt rained down on us from the new crater in the already weakening soil.

"Stay down, Dr. T'Soni." Shepard ordered. "If you can, shield yourself. Clear?"

I nodded as I struggled to breathe, finally finding air. Shepard rolled away and got to her feet, shouting orders.

"Vakarian, the launcher! Williams...FUCK!" she staggered backwards as a bullet ripped across the edge of her helmet, leaving a weal of silver across the matte black finish. "Get the damn sniper!" she finished the order, shaking her head and pulling yet another weapon, this time a shotgun, from the holster at her back.

"Krogan's mine!" she shouted.

_A human…against a krogan? _my gut twisted at the thought. _It's an impossible contest…she'll be killed!_

I only cared because, at the moment, I felt safer with her than anyone allied with the geth. I knew of their rebellion, their mindless violence against their creators and the havoc wreaked on the quarians…their entire homeworld conquered and denied them forever. If they were in league with this…this Saren…_why can I not remember how I know that name!_...then he must be bent on some sort of massive destruction.

I watched the squad of three move against their opponents. The turian must have been an expert marksman, because no more rockets flew through the air. The ground jerked beside me as a bullet sped into it, and I fought through the pain to throw a biotic shield around myself, forcing my eyes to remain open, to know the outcome of the battle.

Gunfire echoed through the tunnels while the earth shuddered with frightening regularity. If the fight did not end soon, all of us would find our graves in the mines of Therum.

Through the haze of smoke and dust, I watched Shepard run in close to the krogan, firing her shotgun; the blasts barely knocked the krogan backwards, his armor protecting him. He reached and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her against him and pressing the muzzle of his gun against her head. For a moment, the world stood still. I saw the krogan's grip loosen the slightest bit and Shepard capitalized, letting her knees collapse as the krogan fired. She pulled a blade from her boot and rammed it into the krogan's leg.

He roared in rage and brought the butt of his weapon down on Shepard's shoulder. I winced, knowing that if her armor were not strong enough, bones would be broken by that blow. But she shrugged it off and rose, knocking the gun from his hand, pulling her pistol, and firing it into his mouth two…three…seven times.

I cringed as the krogan fell to the floor…the back of his head missing.

"Report!" Shepard barked as she ran towards me.

"Geth are down for the count." Williams answered as I dropped my shield and reached up, my grasp weak in Shepard's own hand. "Garrus got winged by the sniper. Flesh wound."

"Doctor?" Shepard asked as she levered me to my feet. "You good? Can you walk?"

"With help." I rasped, and she immediately slung my arm around her shoulders, helping me towards the exit as more rock rained down on us from above.

I struggled to keep pace, even with her assistance, and I wanted this day to end, this nightmare to be over.

"More barriers, Shepard." Vakarian spoke, eyeing the entrance to the mind…and the surface beyond.

"Damn it." Shepard pulled me closer, working her arm around to key her omni. "Normandy, Shepard. ETA?"

"We need your ass on deck, commander." I heard a distinctly masculine voice over the comlink. "This whole planet is about to go up…that seismic activity…it's a volcano."

As if we needed a reminder, the earth trembled violently and I would have fallen if Shepard had not shored me up. More rocks crashed down and Shepard tucked my head against her chest, shielding me from the debris. When she looked up, the barriers had been destroyed and we ran forward.

A ship flew in front of the entrance to the mind and dropped the ramp. Williams reached it first, Garrus second, and Shepard brought up the rear, almost carrying me.

"Too close, Commander." the voice I had heard on the comlink issued over the intercom as the ship flew away. "Ten more seconds and we would have been swimming in molten sulfur. The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference."

"Duly noted." the commander's voice was dry, and I wondered if she had been injured during the battle. "Get us out of here, Joker."

"Roger that, ma'am."

The white at the edges of my vision began flashing and I sagged against the commander as my legs threatened to go out.

"Dr. T'Soni?" she asked, pulling me up and holding me steady at arm's length. "Dr. T'Soni?"

The horror and stress of the situation, the dehydration and exhaustion, all collided together and spun into a roaring fury. I tried to focus, tried to keep my balance…failed as the world went white.


	7. Chapter 7

**Liara**

"How is she?" I heard a voice, close by, no longer muddled by a helmet's amplifier.

It was strong, soothing, and unlike the voice of any species I had heard before. Low and rich, the question permeated the room, seeming to hold it still. I kept my eyes closed, thinking it best to hear what I could, to discover any information I possibly could before whatever was going to happen transpired.

"Quite well, commander." a new voice, lightly accented, and from the similar cadence to the commander and Williams…I assumed she was also human. "Dehydration and exhaustion, but nothing that rest and fluids will not cure. The laceration on her forehead was minor and no scans revealed no head injury. Stop stalling and take your shirt off."

"I'm fine." Shepard countered, quickly enough that I doubted the assessment.

"On the exam table now, commander." the other woman ordered, and I wondered at her audacity.

_Surely Commander Shepard is the highest ranking aboard this ship…especially if she is a SPECTRE. _I thought. _Who aboard would have permission to order her around? _

"Is this necessary?" Shepard asked, and her companion chuckled.

"Regulations state that a physical checkup is mandatory after any sort of action incurred in the field, Shepard. You know this as well as I, and try as you might to plead the ever busy status of rank and station, I can overrule that with a single signature. Chief Williams and even Garrus Vakarian submitted to an examination, you shall be no different. _Especially_ when it has been revealed to me that you took a bullet across your helmet and a blow to your back, from a krogan no less."

"More a love tap, less a blow." Shepard muttered, and I did not know if it was safe to show the smile I wanted to indulge.

_A direct hit from a krogan…I do not know the exact connotation of "love tap" but I can hear the dismissal in her voice…as though the blow meant nothing. Perhaps humans are braver than Benezia allowed. _

"And the reason you have not yet taken a seat on my exam table and removed your shirt would be?" the woman asked, and I assumed she was the ship's physician.

"Dr. Chakwas, you wound me." Shepard teased, confirming my suspicion. "Surely a prolonged stay in your company is a decent reason."

"You always insist on avoiding my company, commander. I cannot trust the veracity of your statement. Shirt. Off."

"Aye aye, ma'am." Shepard replied, and I heard the pull of a zipper.

Dr. Chakwas hissed and I heard the click and whirr of a medical scan. "No trauma to the brain, no broken bones...but some rather extensive deep tissue bruising. You got off light this time, Shepard. Anti-inflammatories, and take it easy...easy being no more _love taps_, if they can be avoided."

"Told you I was fine." the commander stated, dismissing the orders. "More worried about Dr. T'Soni. You sure she's okay?"

_Why all this concern? _I wondered, debating on whether or not to open my eyes. I decided against it, in favor of more information. _There are no boundaries a SPECTRE cannot cross. If she so chose, she could have tortured and interrogated me the instant we arrived…but I am apparently in the med bay, being tended to by the ship's doctor. _

"For the _hundredth_ time, Shepard, Dr. T'Soni suffered no permanent damage that medigel, intravenous fluids, and a shower cannot remedy. Is there a particular reason for your concern, commander?"

Shepard breathed deep. "She saved my life, Karin. Only gun at my disposal was a pistol, and it was like throwing rocks at the geth…I'll have to get it modded and fix that. Regardless, Dr. T'Soni held the damn thing in a statis field until I could recover my rifle."

Dr. Chakwas made a noise that sounded like surprise and concern. "She held a biotic stasis…in her condition?"

"Yep."

"That is…that is impressive to say the least." Dr. Chakwas admitted. "I doubt Lieutenant Alenko could perform such a feat, and his prowess with biotics is nothing short of respectable. But there's a question in your eyes, Shepard. Why is this troubling you?"

"There's not much documentation on Dr. T'Soni. Some published papers, a captivating thesis about the life of the Protheans…but not much else about _her. _Don't know about you, doc, but when I hear archaeologist, I think someone quiet and bookish and subdued…not a biotic dynamo."

_She…she's read my work? I would have expected a dossier or something of that nature…but for her to go so far as to read my theories on the Protheans and their galactic legacy and disappearance? I do not know whether to be relieved or yet more frightened. Who __**is**__ this Commander Shepard?_

"Perceptions have been challenged since discovering the galaxy." Dr. Chakwas allowed. "We are not alone any longer…though it is amusing to find the woman who survived Akuze pondering the improbability of survival against all odds, no matter the situation."

"Karin…" I recognized a tone of warning, even from a foreign species.

"Do they still hurt?" the doctor asked, and I could not resist opening my eyes, just a little, to see what they were discussing.

Instead, I got the view of a white lab coat and nothing more as the sound of a furious zipper being pulled up pierced the air with more ferocity than a bullet.

"That matter is _not_ up for discussion, Karin." the thud of boots against the floor, the swish of a ship's door opening. "Notify me when she wakes up. We'll need to talk."

"Shepard, are you certain…"

"There will be witnesses, Karin. I may be a SPECTRE due to Udina's dreams and the council's madness, but I don't intend to terrify the poor woman. I've no idea how long she'd been in that damn bubble, and that's torture enough, don't you think?"

"I couldn't agree more." the doctor turned back to the bed in which I lay and I caught a glimpse of…compassion…and regret in her warm blue-green eyes.

She smiled as she saw my eyes open, and the expression warmed me, a universal gesture of comfort, no matter the race, no matter the people.

"Do not try to speak yet, Dr. T'Soni." she warned, taking a cup from the bedside table and holding a straw between my lips. "I am Karin Chakwas, chief of medical aboard the Normandy. How are you feeling, dear?"

I drank the water, grateful as it eased the tightness in my throat. "Better." I rubbed my forehead and frowned as I felt the grit still there from the time spent in the mines.

"Good." Karin smiled again. "You are recovering from moderate dehydration, bordering on severe. The commander would like to speak with you, when you feel up to it."

"I'm fine." I said, quick, eager to get the information I needed, the answers to the questions that had plagued my unconsciousness.

"My dear, we may have just met, but I am as prone to disbelieving that statement from you as I am our intrepid commander." the statement stung, and I did not know what to make of her familiarity. "At least allow yourself some rest, and a proper shower. No need to face the music until you are well."

_Face the music…five by five…what peculiar idioms. _

"But I…I thought the commander wished to speak as soon as possible." I stammered, wanting to make clear to my captors that I did not intend to cause trouble…or give them cause to incarcerate me. I needed to position myself well in order to be told the truth.

"Commander Shepard does not comprehend the word 'recovery' as it is understood the galaxy over. No need to ascribe to her ridiculousness straight away. Get some rest, Dr. T'Soni, and let me allay your fears…you, my dear, are in the safest place in the galaxy."

"The…the Normandy?" I asked, unsure of what she meant.

"No." Karin turned, her chin length gray hair swaying. "Under the protection of Commander Shepard. No harm will come to you here."

_I want to believe you, Dr. Chakwas…but I can't. There is so much…so much I do not yet know. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Liara**

I stepped out of the shower, relieved to be clean at last, free from the dirt and sweat and tears of Therum. Dr. Karin Chakwas had been kind enough to let me use the shower available in the med bay, where I had more privacy. She cited my comfort as the reason…but I believed the worst. Many humans had not taken kindly to discovering that they were not alone in the galaxy.

Tales of the First Contact War between the humans and turians raced through my mind as I dressed in my clothes, which Dr. Chakwas had been kind enough to order washed and dried. Although the human diplomats upheld that they did no wrong, that the turians had fired first…it did little to preserve the image presented to the turians and to the council races as a whole.

Xenophobia…a word once foreign to the council races, became an ill-fitting norm, and I feared it was this trait that Dr. Chakwas sought to preserve me from. I shuddered, wondering if the commander herself shared this notion, this fear, and if the meeting I was soon to enter would reveal any viable proof. Apparently Shepard's patience had worn thin and I had been summoned.

"Dr. T'Soni?" I heard a somewhat familiar voice, low and rough. "The commander has asked me to escort you."

I opened the door and attempted to smile at the turian, wondering why he had been sent for me…on a human ship, surely the commander would have sent one of her own. Unless…this turian was a member of her crew. Relationships were still strained between the two races and I could not imagine an alliance so easily forged.

"Garrus Vakarian." he smiled, a gesture always somewhat unsettling from a turian.

"I…I remember." I answered, falling in step as he led me through the medbay doors and into the ship itself.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, an obvious attempt to make conversation.

_Will he report to the commander_, I ignored him briefly as I stood in awe of the technology and beauty surrounding me. I could not even hear the ship's engines, and the sound of our footfalls rang much quieter than aboard a normal ship. _Is this even a military vessel?_

"Dr. T'Soni?" Garrus drew my attention again.

"Oh…forgive me. I am much better, thank you." I felt my cheeks heat with shame.

_Mother would be appalled by me…losing my head in a potentially dangerous situation. I must keep my awareness. _

Garrus entered a sequence of numbers onto a keypad and the door flared open. He led me into what could only be a conference room. I stood on the threshold, examining my surroundings…confused by what I saw. There were only two humans in attendance, seated in chairs that had been arranged in a circle. The other chairs were filled by a krogan, a quarian, and…Garrus.

"Dr. T'Soni, welcome." Commander Shepard spoke from behind me and I jumped, startled as she moved through the door with an easy, lanky grace. "I do apologize for wresting you from the med bay. I trust Dr. Chakwas cleared you to join us."

I forgot my voice again as I saw the commander for the first time. She stood at least six inches taller than I, with a body that seemed carved from rock. The informal military uniform she wore did little to hide the toned musculature of her arms and shoulders, the taper of her slim waist, or the swell of her breasts. Her features were quite angular, in a way an asari's could never be. High cheekbones, a square, though feminine, jaw, and a straight nose that ended in an artistic point. Her hair, that distinct, fiery color, was cut in much the same way as Dr. Chakwas', but instead of being straight, like the ship's physician's, it had distinct, gentle waves.

Her eyes arrested mine and I bit back a gasp. A pure grey…not muddled by any hues of blue or green, and so bright they could almost be considered…_what was the name of that precious metal from earth…silver? Goddess…they're lovely. _Only one thing kept me from gazing into those eyes…and that was the scar. A single thin line that marred skin as pale as the sand of Thessia's beaches. It started at her hairline on the right side and bisected her face, cutting across the bridge of her nose and grazing the left corner of her mouth.

_Like a tear had fallen and burned across her skin, _I thought.

She cleared her throat and I felt myself pulled into the present moment.

"Yes…Dr. Chakwas has been very kind. Thank you, commander." I managed to speak, finding it hard to tear my gaze from her eyes.

"Shepard." she replied, the unexpected informality breaking my guard. "Only those two," she jerked her chin at the other two humans, "have to call me commander. Garrus chooses to…something to do with being a turian I suppose."

The words were said in a low voice, with a soft hint of…humor perhaps? I did not know enough of humanity to understand.

"Please take a seat." she offered to the sole empty chair in the room, which I presumed was hers. "We might be here a while."

_How long is a while? _

I moved to the chair and sat down, watching the commander as she walked to the center of the room.

"I am pleased to announce that Liara T'Soni has been cleared of all suspicion." Shepard spoke, turning her silver…_there could be no other description for them_…eyes to mine. "Forgive me, doctor, but I used my SPECTRE status to pull all of your communication records for the last three years. As you stated, you have had no contact with Matriarch Benezia for at least that period of time. As of now, the Alliance and Council have cleared you of any collusion with her."

"Commander Shepard," I could not refrain from speaking out, "I do not understand what is happening. Why has the council sent a SPECTRE to look for me…and…and _colluding_ with my mother? I have no knowledge of her actions. Please tell me what is going on?"

"We have a vetted voice-ident of your mother speaking with former SPECTRE Saren Arterius." Shepard spoke, and my memory at last functioned, recalling where I had heard that name. "Saren has betrayed the galaxy and is working with the geth. I…and all assembled," Shepard gestured to the others, "have been charged with apprehending him and keeping him from his end goal."

"Do you even know this end goal?" I asked, wondering why any sane turian would ally with the geth, knowing their history.

Shepard crossed her arms and rested her weight on one leg, the same posture she had adopted in front of the krogan battlemaster and the geth.

"Yes…and no." she admitted. "This is where we could use your expertise, Dr. T'Soni, if you would be so kind as to lend it to us. Saren is looking for something called the Conduit. We believe it to be…"

"Ancient Prothean technology." I interrupted as my heart began to race.

_If mother is in danger…from Saren or Shepard…I have to help. I have to stay with them…and if they are seeking information on the Protheans….no one knows better than I. _

"You've heard of it then?" the other human female spoke, and I recognized the voice as belonging to Williams.

"It has appeared a few times in my research." I offered, determined to help them, at least for a time. Benezia was many things, and brilliant one of them. I would need more resources than I had available to me to locate and help her…and if my travels revealed more about the Protheans, then I simply could not resist. "I am willing to help however I may."


	9. Chapter 9

**Liara**

"Exactly how much research have you done on the Protheans, Dr. T'Soni?" the human male asked, leaning forward in his seat, his brown eyes showing intelligence…and a history of pain. _Are all humans so transparent?_

"Easy, Alenko." the commander warned. "This is a Q&A session for our own edification, not an interrogation."

The center of Alenko's brow creased and I assumed the gesture bespoke frustration.

"It is quite all right." I spoke, attempting to ameliorate what might become an unpleasant situation. "The…" I stumbled as I looked at his uniform, unable to discern his rank.

"Lieutant Kaidan Alenko, doctor." he smiled, and I felt as though I had done something right.

"Lieutenant Alenko is perfectly within his rights to question my qualifications, commander." I addressed Shepard, feeling that her curtailing of his behavior was for my comfort, not because she did not desire the same answers. I turned back to the lieutenant. "I have a doctorate in cultural studies, anthropology, and archaeology, and I have focused solely on the Protheans for the last fifty years."

"Fifty years?" the lieutenant sat quickly back in his seat, whistling low between his lips.

"How old _are_ you, Dr. T'Soni?" the commander asked, and I could feel the chill of her eyes on me. Something about their color, I supposed…it did not warm.

"You…you did not find that out when you pulled my communication records?" I asked, attempting to buy time before I had to disgrace myself before her crew...and reveal my youth.

"I did what I had to do, Dr. T'Soni…much as I'd like to take you at face value, that's not the game the galaxy plays." Shepard replied, her voice low…seeming almost hurt, but not offended. "I only looked where I needed to. Nowhere else."

I bit the edge of my lip, wondering if I should lie, to manipulate the situation in my favor, as Benezia surely would have me do. But, I looked at the commander's face, attempting to sense any form of deceit, any machinations…and finding none.

_Return honesty for honesty…is that safe? _

My cheeks burned again. "It shames me to say this, commander, but I am only one hundred and six."

"Damn." Williams spoke. "I heard the asari aged gracefully but…damn. What's your secret, doc?"

I clenched my hands into fists and lowered my head, afraid that any hope I had of gaining their respect had departed.

The krogan grunted, and a smile played over his features. "They're human, blue." he spoke in the low, guttural voice ubiquitous to his kind. "Kind of shocks 'em a little bit, hearin' 'bout species that live longer, narrow minds and all that." he looked at Williams, who seemed offended, then to Shepard, who wore a smirk. "A hundred and six may sound old, but to my kind, and her own, she's barely a kid."

_Kid…that isn't a krogan term. Human perhaps? Yet another item to add to my list of idioms to research…my head hurts. _

"That notwithstanding," I shot the krogan a glare and beseeched the commander, "I am _quite_ knowledgeable in my chosen field…though many of my theories have been disregarded due to my age, they are not lacking in validity I can assure you."

"We're grasping at straws here, Dr. T'Soni." Shepard spread her hands and my head continued spinning with the barrage of new linguistic nuances. "Anything you tell us will be helpful."

I took a deep breath and launched into the realm of my expertise, hoping that the commander spoke true, and that my help would warrant theirs in return.

"Fifty thousand years ago, the Protheans disappeared from the galaxy. Over time, and the various wars, much of their research was forgotten, though enough remained to…well…I'm certain you are aware."

Kaiden grinned. "It's no secret that the Prothean tech found on Mars put humanity on the galactic map."

"Perhaps the worst mistake they could have made." Garrus purred, and I knew from his inflection that he jested, but Williams glared at him with nothing less than fury. The commander, however, showed no sign of taking either side, or entering the unspoken fray. Instead, she focused on me.

"What's your theory, Dr. T'Soni?" she asked. "I've compiled one myself, but I would appreciate your take on the matter." her words were non-confrontational, but they slashed at my pride.

"With all respect, commander, I have studied in this field for longer than you have been alive." I did not mean to snap, but my words were clipped and harsher than I intended. However, I pressed forward. "I have heard every theory proposed, and though mine has been laughed out of academic journals and even face to face conversations with my colleagues, I can assure you that it is correct. I have traversed the galaxy, attaining every piece of information left available…for such an advanced race, the Protheans left almost nothing behind…almost as if whatever made them disappear eradicated all evidence of their existence."

"It does seem somewhat odd, I won't deny." the commander nodded.

"Like a criminal sanitizing the scene." Garrus summarized, and I wondered if his background were not military, but law enforcement.

"Regardless," I asserted myself back into the conversation, though it made me uncomfortable to do so, "there are hints that they were not the first highly advanced species to disappear in such a manner. Their records, though fragmented, indicate that this form of…mass disappearance has occurred before. It moves in cycles, commander…and this is not the first time it has happened, or been discovered."

"Who came before the Protheans?" Shepard asked, and I pursed my lips.

"I do not know." I unclenched my fists. "There is simply not enough evidence, hence the derision I have faced in my short career. But I know, commander, beyond doubt, that I am right. The evidence, if anecdotal and subverted, is there."

"Sounds like a great galactic conspiracy theory to me, Shepard." Williams crossed her arms and sat back in her seat. "I wouldn't buy into it."

"Anybody have a better idea?" Shepard asked, and no one answered. "I thought not. I'm more willing to trust the theory of an experienced researcher than a cricket chorus any day. Go on, please, doctor."

_Cricket chorus? What in the goddess' name is a cricket?_

"The galaxy exists in a cycle of extinction." I continued. "The advances made by the Protheans, upon which your species," I glanced at the commander, cleared my throat, and moved forward, "_all_ species, have built their cultures, the Mass Relays, the Citadel…all of these advances were not engineered by the Protheans, merely founded on the technology of a race that came before. And that race made the same advances based on the culture before them."

"Human history the galaxy over." Shepard mused. "Persia beaten back by Greece, Greece conquered by Rome…absorbing and augmenting the characteristics of their own culture with things learned from the other."

"I…I think so." I shook my head, knowing little to nothing of Earth's history, only that it was strewn with conflict and war.

"Whatever the case," Kaiden steered us back to the original topic, "the Protheans are gone."

"Yes." I admitted. "And though I have no idea why, I have dedicated my life to discovering it. We cannot move forward unless we know the mistakes made by those who came before."

"I can help you, Dr. T'Soni." Shepard said, jolting me out of my thoughts. "The Protheans were extinguished by a race of sentient machines…the Reapers."

_How…how do you know this? Or are you…are you toying with me? There is no way possible that she knows more of the Protheans than I…but the confidence with which she speaks. I do not believe her to be lying. _

"Reapers?" I asked. "I…I have never come across this term. How…how do you know this, what is the basis of your theory?"

"Before we launched on this strange little mission of ours," Shepard spoke. "I was sent to Eden Prime to investigate a Prothean beacon left behind there. There was an…an incident. Some sort of information transfer took place…stamped a damn vision in my brain. I've been trying to sort it out, but it's all chaos."

My heart began to race as I looked at this woman in an entirely new light. My research had revealed that the Protheans had a way of transferring information from mind to mind, much in the same way as an asari mind meld. Their beacons could store this information and transfer it to any who connected with it. And I could only assume, due to the control and strength necessary to meld, that the Protheans were much the same way. Humans had no such abilities…to transfer information like that, so suddenly and with no preparation…_it would be so invasive…and __**painful**_.

"You were touched by working Prothean technology?" I asked, amazed. "How…how are you…how did you survive? Forgive me, commander, but your neurosystem is not equipped to handle that level of…psychic bombardment."

"I didn't say I did it on purpose." she rubbed the back of her neck. "There are snapshots…pictures…smells and sounds. All I know is that destruction came…and its name was Reaper. At least, that's what the Protheans called them. Seems as good a name as any."

"This is fascinating." I rose from my seat before I could remember my control. "If the images from the beacon truly did imprint on your brain, then surely they can be researched anew, perhaps a sense of coherency from the vision can be gathered. Commander, I realize this is highly unprecedented, but perhaps if we were to meld then I could help you translate what you've seen."

Williams looked at Kaidan. "Scalpel." she quipped, and the lieutenant laughed.

"You want to dissect my brain, doc?" Shepard asked, that mysterious smirk on her lips.

"N…no." I stuttered, realizing I must look the fool. "I simply want to…" _invade your mind, link our consciousness, and discover more about the Protheans than __**anyone**__ has previously uncovered. Goddess…I must sound ridiculous…and humans know so little of asari and their melds…did I just proposition the commander? _

"I simply want to help you, in any way I can." I nodded, hoping that I could recover from this slip.

"_Any _way?" Kaidan asked, and my cheeks flushed purple with shame. My offer had indeed been misconstrued as something…perverse.

"LT!" Shepard barked. "Neither time nor place! Excuse my subordinate, Dr. T'Soni…but you'll forgive me if my knowledge on the asari is slightly lacking. Please elaborate."

"It…it would be a simple exchange of information, commander." I offered. "I would…I would link my mind with yours and you would show me the memories of the vision. My expertise might elucidate what you cannot piece together."

"Nothing…intimate?" she asked, and I felt flustered as her eyes chilled my skin once more.

"No." I offered, weak.

_I have not melded with anyone…save my mother…and even then, those were far different melds than the one I am proposing. I do not know if I could even…but I __**have**__ to try!_

"I don't like it, skipper." Williams rose. "Who knows what she could do to you in there? They link minds and nervous systems...who's to say there's no chance of subliminal messaging, or even outright mind control? I don't care if her communication records were clear, you are vital to this mission and shouldn't take this risk."

Shepard's brow pinched and she looked from me to Williams, then to Kaidan. She read something in their eyes or their body language and sighed. "I am afraid I am going to have to refuse your offer, Dr. T'Soni." she spoke, and I watched as Williams and Alenko visibly relaxed. "I have to make a report to the council and inform them that you," she looked at me, "are safe, and of what we've uncovered. Dr. T'Soni, if you would return to the medbay and wait for me there, I'll join you shortly and see to your accommodations while on board. Crew, dismissed!"

Everyone rose and Shepard left the room, leaving me confused. She had not seemed averse to the notion of a meld, but something her squad had said deterred her. I _did_ wish to help, and not only because I needed them to find Benezia…but now, because there was more information on the Protheans than I previously thought existed, and I _had_ to know.

Insatiable curiosity had ever been my downfall…or so Benezia told me. Perhaps she was right. After all, it was why I had nearly perished in a volcanic eruption on Therum…and now it would be why I would attempt to convince an alliance officer, a human, and a council SPECTRE…to meld with me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Liara**

"Dr. T'Soni," Kaidan caught my attention as the others left the room, the krogan's footfalls making the floor beneath us tremor. "Allow me to escort you back to the med bay."

"Is it truly so unsafe for an asari on board?" I asked the question that had been plaguing me since the commander brought me onto the ship. "Seeing as there is obviously a large alien presence aboard this vessel, I would have thought it were safe."

Kaidan pursed his lips and nodded. "It is and it isn't…you weren't exactly brought here under the best of circumstances. Garrus volunteered for the mission, as did Wrex, the krogan, and Tali…the quarian…she is on her pilgrimage and the commander asked her aboard due to her considerable technical expertise."

"So they came vetted and approved by commander and crew." I mused, wondering how difficult it would be to insinuate myself properly.

Kaidan chuckled as we walked from the room. "They came approved by the commander." he answered. "And, truth be told, the crew is more afraid of her than even the krogan."

Something about his words triggered a sense of…wrongness…the commander had been nothing but kind and gracious since my arrival. Though...from what I had read, it seemed that humans possessed a naturally duplicitous nature.

_Will I ever find my way clear here? _I wondered. _It seems impossible to ascertain the truth of anything…the information, the people. If I cannot find these things out, if I cannot learn their customs and the intricacies of their speech, I will be truly lost. _

"Is she truly so frightening?" I asked, remembering how she had faced down a krogan battlemaster with supreme nonchalance.

However, I had found that action…reassuring. Though, if I attempted to view it from another perspective, I could see how it would be intimidating…how such strength could inspire fear.

"To some." Kaidan replied as we entered the med bay doors. He leaned against one of the beds and crossed his arms, looking off into some distance. "Others of us find her…inspirational. But she's different, and even command wasn't pleased at her inclusion of the aliens, though she doesn't have to care all that much about their griping due to SPECTRE status."

"I had wondered about that." I allowed. "She is…truly a SPECTRE then?"

Kaidan nodded. "The first one, and finest humanity had to offer, I guess."

He sounded bitter, and I did not understand why. Unless he harbored…some sort of affection for the commander.

He turned to me, his warm brown eyes swimming with heat and emotion, so unlike the cold silver of his commander. "Do you…do you really think that meld thing will help her, Dr. T'Soni?"

"It…it might." I allowed, wondering why he, who had not seemed a proponent of the notion, would inquire further about it. "If nothing else, I could at least attempt to decipher the vision left there by the Protheans."

"Could it…could it offer any sort of peace?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and spread my hands, confused by his line of inquiry. "I do not know, Lieutenant. I have never performed the meld with one of your species, and so I cannot, with any accuracy, tell you of the potential effects, if even there are any. Why, may I ask, do you inquire?"

"That damn beacon almost tore her apart." he set his jaw and thinned his lips, looking anywhere but at me, and I sensed that somewhere, perhaps deep within him, a war was being waged. "And it's my fault, Dr. T'Soni. I saw and activated the damn thing…she pushed me out of the way and took the hit, because that's the kind of woman she is."

"She does display remarkable bravery." I felt I needed to say something, to give credence to the grief in his voice.

"I can't do anything to help her." his entire body was so rigid I feared it might snap. "I've tried talking to her about it, you know, offering my help, but she won't take it."

"It is unfortunate that such a thing happened." I nodded my head, thinking of the ramifications of it. "The Protheans did not intend for any other but their own species to interact with their technology. Even an asari could possibly be ripped apart by exposure."

Kaidan's shoulders slumped and I knew I had said something wrong, something to cause him more pain. I scrambled, trying to find a way to cover my misstep, but I could find nothing.

"Shepard is never still, Dr. T'Soni." the lieutenant looked at me, lonely, lonely eyes staring into mine. "She was unconscious for eighteen hours…Dr. Chakwas…read the brain scans; said the commander was probably in pain the whole time, and able to feel all of it. It should've been me, damn it. And I know it hurts her still. I know she's having nightmares…"

"How?" I wondered aloud. "Has she…has she told you as much?"

"No." Kaidan shook his head. "Who knows, it might be a human thing…but I can tell...I have them too. I know the signs, and no matter how much of a mask she wears, I can see it eating at her. So if you can help her, please do."

"It must be unpleasant to ask this of me." I attempted to allow room for his emotions, to rectify what mistakes I had already made in this conversation.

"Yeah. It is." he admitted, and the words stung, though I had permitted them. "But I can't do anything, and Shepard won't take the meds, even if they do help somewhat. Besides," he looked at me, and his eyes were no longer warm, "if you can help her out, it might go a long way towards ingratiating yourself with the crew."

"So there is animosity here."

"Not from me." he shook his head. "I'm grateful for any help in this great galactic snafu."

_Snafu? What?_

"But the others…"

"I'm sure you saw the tension between Chief Williams and Garrus." Kaidan asked, and I nodded. "There's a lot of humans aboard who haven't worked closely with aliens. The commander being one of them…but she's not a xenophobe at least."

"And you, lieutenant?" I questioned. "What makes you so different?"

"I'm a biotic." he offered. "L2 implants…one of the first exposed to eezo that actually…survived. Humans still don't have much experience with biotics, so I had alien trainers."

"I…I see."

"You're trying." he offered a soft smile as consolation, leaving me feeling more lost than before. "That always counts for something."

"Thank you…I suppose." I replied, lame.

The doors swished open again and admitted the commander. Her eyes widened when she saw me with the lieutenant, but I did not see any anger there.

"Everything good here, LT?" she asked.

"Right as rain, commander." he responded. "I was just leaving. Thank you for your time, Dr. T'Soni."

He left, leaving Shepard and I alone in the med bay. She gestured to the door. "There's a supply room through there, where we should be able to speak privately. If you're comfortable with that."

"It sounds fine." I said, almost eager to get away from the windows and the stares I could feel through the glass.

Shepard guided me through the room and lit the lamp. She reclined against the small desk and took a deep breath, as though waiting for me to speak. Suddenly uncomfortable, all words fled from me as I stood face to face with the woman who was quickly becoming the most mysterious and terrifying entity in the galaxy.


	11. Chapter 11

**Liara**

The uncomfortable silence dragged on. The silver of her eyes fixed on me and I felt my cheeks coloring violet as I searched for the proper words to say. After I had diminished her experience…then offered to _meld_ for the goddess' sake…I feared opening my mouth would but further entrench me in humiliation.

"How are you feeling, Dr. T'Soni?" she asked, the low timbre of her voice vibrating pleasantly along my neck. "Dr. Chakwas said I shouldn't disturb your rest, but my crew was getting a little anxious. I hope you understand."

"I…I do. And I am feeling much better, thank you." I stammered, uncertain of how to view this woman. According to her lieutenant, the crew feared her, but she seemed to have nothing but gentle words and apologies for me. "And I suppose I should thank you for saving my life, commander."

"Think nothing of it." she waved her hand dismissively before crossing her arms. "Part of my job after all."

"And offering asylum to a suspected criminal?" I pressed for further information, both about the woman and her purpose. "Is that also part of your job, commander?"

"Shepard, please." she deflected my inquiry.

"Then you must call me Liara." I insisted, watching her brow raise and the scar tissue across her face stretch.

"I will be honest with you, Liara, the turian and salarian councilors are still dubious about your innocence. Tevos on the other hand…well she didn't believe the allegations about Benezia until presented with the voice-ident."

I nodded, having expected as much. "My mother is a very influential asari, though she does not play at politics." I explained, in case there was a question I had missed in Shepard's statement about councilor Tevos. "And it is difficult to consider any matriarch so deeply ingratiating themselves with one of such dubious motivations. I assume your Saren is attempting to find out more about these…Reapers."

Shepard shrugged her shoulders. "That's the question we're all asking, doc. We've got little to go on and a lot less to run to. Some planets have reported some out of the ordinary occurrences, and it seems that wherever we spot the geth, some clues turn up. But basically we're running on theories and speculations."

"And a vision from a Prothean beacon." I steered the subject towards where I wanted it to lead, though not as subtly as I would have liked.

Shepard snorted, derisive. "Fat lot of good that's done us." she muttered, two fingers rubbing her temple in a gesture I did not know if she consciously comprehended. "All it's really done is ask more questions than we have answers to."

"If it causes you such discomfort," my boldness terrified me, but I pushed onward. "Why did you refuse my offer of a meld?"

Shepard's eyelids narrowed, and her eyes seemed as bright shining steel. "Why are you so interested in such a thing?" she asked.

"You've been touched by Prothean technology!" I exclaimed, surprised by my outburst. "Anyone in my field, with my abilities, would leap at this chance!"

Shepard laughed. "Suddenly Ash's 'scalpel' comment is starting to make sense." she grinned, a roguish expression that doubled the beats of my heart. "You want to dissect my brain, doc? Ferret out my secrets? Plant suggestions in my head?"

"It…it does not work that way." I protested. "There are many misconceptions about my people the galaxy over, Shepard. Due to the misunderstandings concerning the meld, we are perceived to be promiscuous, and that simply isn't true. The meld, while it can be an act of intimacy, is also a way of transferring knowledge without the confusion of communication and different linguistic nuances. Using it, I could see the vision as it was presented to you, without having to 'ferret', whatever that may mean, out any personal bias you might have towards it. I was not propositioning you…simply offering an exchange of thoughts in order to attempt to provide clarity."

"Easy." Shepard clutched her chest in mock injury. "I feel like I just got hit. I'm certain your intentions are nothing but pure. Earth has its overzealous scholars too, doctor."

Again a flush of shame covered my cheeks. "I apologize for my outburst." I muttered, shivering in the chill of that cool grey gaze. "I simply…the allegations made by Chief Williams and Lieutenant Alenko's unsubtle innuendos are the standard views held of my species by yours, are they not? The bombastic idea of mind control or implanting subliminal thoughts…it simply isn't true commander. Even if the asari were capable of these feats, we value the meld far too highly than to abuse it in such a way."

"The chief may be a little biased." Shepard allowed. "And it's true that we are the newcomers to the galactic scene. But it wouldn't shock me to find some underlying belief in stereotypes coloring your mind either."

"Such as?" I raised my chin in defiance, uncomfortable with having my character slighted by this woman.

"Humans are a race pre-disposed to violence and unable, much for the same reasons as the krogan, to adhere to the galactic standards embraced by the council."

"Your prowess with weaponry did little to dissuade me from that line of belief." I countered, hardly able to believe it when she began laughing again.

"All right." she conceded. "It appears we all got off on the wrong foot."

_Is there a right foot? Something in their physiology? What am I missing here? _

"Is that an apology?" I questioned, uncertain.

"In a roundabout sort of way." Shepard nodded. "I actually wanted to speak with you about the meld, if you don't mind."

"You already disregarded the offer, Shepard." I replied, still a touch upset. "In front of your crew for that matter. You would do yourself and their trust in you no favors by participating in a backroom deal with a suspect alien."

"I need help, Dr. T'Soni." I hadn't believed it possible, but her eyes grew colder. "I can't make heads or tails of these damn images floating around in my brain. Some of my crew are xenophobic, and as much as I don't like it, I can't cure them in a day, or give them a biology lesson in the middle of a mission in hopes to ease their minds. If you really want to see what the Protheans left behind, I'm ready and willing. Anything for an answer."

"Then you are willing to trust me?" I asked, almost humbled. "You are willing to let me see the vision?"

"_Only_ the vision." she stipulated. "Nothing else. There are places in my head no one needs to see again, Dr. T'Soni, least of all me. I trust you to honor that."

"I will do my best." I promised, though I had no idea if I could follow through.

_I have…I have never melded like this before. A mother's meld with her child is far deeper and more intimate than a shallow exchange of information between one to another. I do not have the fine control necessary to keep it at simply that level and yet…yet I must try. For her mission's sake as well as to satisfy my own curiosity. _

"What do I need to do?" Shepard asked, uncrossing her arms and standing.

"Concentrate on the vision." I told her as my mouth went dry, as I attempted to coax surety in my voice. "I will link our nervous systems and begin the information transmission. I will ask that you relax as much as possible, or it will be harder to transmit the images completely."

"I understand." the soldier obeyed orders and I saw her visibly relax. "Anything else?"

"Breathe easily." I told her, taking her hands in mine. The skin was warm, supple, with rough edges and faint scarring…_a warrior's hands_…"Open your eyes." I urged her, and that cold silver pierced my gaze. I exhaled, grasping for the peace needed for this gesture. "_Embrace Eternity._"

* * *

_**Author's Note: **Hello all! Just wanted to say thank you to all who have followed and favorited this story thus far. And a special thanks to those who have reviewed. You guys are awesome. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, and if you're not into celebrating, hope you enjoyed a day off at least. Bright blessings,_

~_R.S._


	12. Chapter 12

**Liara**

_My first awareness is of a thrumming pulse. It beats fast, faster than my own. Sensations I have never known pour over me…but somehow I can feel the hair on my arms lifting…__**wait…that is…that is **__**her**__**. I am feeling **__**her**__**. **_

_ "What the hell is going on?" Shepard asks, her voice inside my mind now, and I am amazed at this woman's fortitude. _

_**Most species do not know how to speak within the meld until they are shown how…what have you been through, Shepard? What have you done? Who have you been? **_

_ "Our nervous systems are melding." I attempt to explain. "I simply did not know…it would go this…this deep."_

_ "You mean you haven't done this before?" there is a slight edge of panic in her voice, and the heartbeat that is not mine flutters through me, an ache in my chest, an uncomfortable pinch in my shoulders. _

_ "Please, calm down, commander." I almost beg. "Any averse physiological reaction will harm us both."_

_ "Fuck." she hisses, and I feel her lungs deflate. As I struggle for air she fills them again, a deep, calming breath. The heart rate eases and calms, the muscles relax…the practiced reflex of a consummate soldier, able to tear themselves away from the battlefield and focus on the task at hand. _

_ I shake my head, knowing that such knowledge does not belong to me. I know nothing of war, and little of soldiers, and even less of humans. It is knowledge gained from her through our link, through the tenuous bonds of synapses and neurotransmitters. _

_ I can sense an urgency in her, a desire to be free from this. She is not a woman who shares herself easily, and this is a trial for her, physically and mentally. My reservations break a little as I bear witness to this silent strength, this need for answers. It is so strong that she would venture outside the realm of comfort and expertise…not for the selfish pursuit of knowledge, but in order to secure the safety of others. _

_ "Show me the vision." I guide her, feeling the warmth of her hands in mine, as though her body is an extension of my own consciousness, my own self. _

_ The flashes bombard me…darkness and terror…the voices of a million souls shredding out their anguish. I see mountains of the dead, piles of rotting flesh and decaying bone, the putrid stench of decay, the gnawing of predatory animals, forced by starvation to gorge themselves with a feast of the dead. Through it all there is a numbing, mechanical roar, vibrating deep in my throat and my chest, a burning beam so bright it could outshine any sun of any galaxy. I tremble from the force of it and feel those warrior's hands in mine, steadying me now. _

_ "It's okay." she whispers across the landscape of horror. "It's horrible at first but then…" her words shatter on a pained gasp and agony explodes behind my eyes in sharp, ragged edges. _

_ I struggle to breathe to keep myself upright as razors tear across my nerves and I am tempted to check for bleeding, so harsh and unexpected is the pain. _

_ "Liara?" Shepard asks, and my name in that low voice eases the onslaught, but only for a moment and it swallows me again. _

_**I have to see more, **__I drive myself, knowing that I cannot base anything off of those first flashes of nightmarish, disconnected terror. __**I have to push deeper**__. _

_ "I'm all right." I force myself to say, deepening the meld, edging in closer towards the outlines of the vision. _

_ "Liara…what…no…" Shepard gasps again, but already I am deep within her body, feeling the constant ache of old wounds, exhaustion, fear…so much fear. So much fear I do not think my heart can bear it even though it does not know the source. _

_ "I have…have to see it again." I grind between my teeth, squeezed between suffering and affliction. "Please, show me."_

_ I feel her reluctance, the tightening of her shoulders as the muscles in mine feel as though they will snap from the pressure stretching them. "Only if you're sure." _

_ "I am." I promise, not sure if I speak truth. _

_ "Okay then."_

_ Again the wave of terror pulses over me, and I look to the sky, to the source of the red beam, the low humming metallic, mechanical death knell. The memory buckles and shifts to another planet, another sky, and I hear the roar of a monster as the earth shudders beneath my feet. Gunfire deafens me but even over it, I can hear Shepard's voice, hoarse with screaming, weary with pain. Those beside me fall as the earth begins to burn and melt…taking my soul with it…tearing my skin. The last thing I feel is a single tear, burning across my face as I wait for death to take me…death that persists in being unmerciful. Death that knows nothing of justice…_

* * *

_ …justice…justice denied. No help anywhere. I struggle to breathe through the dust of a building's collapse. I move and feel blood trickling down my face and from the burning wound in my thigh. _

_ "It's okay." I speak in a soothing whisper as my arms curl around something precious to me, so very very new and innocent and not worthy of the chaos and the bullets. _

_ Blood drips through the floorboards like rain, down into the basement, soaking into my hair as I hunch over, protecting the beautiful burden I carry. I hear them above me, speaking in that garish alien tongue…we were warned, we were warned and they refused to listen and now…now this._

_ The bundle in my arms begins to move, begins to cry, and I press my fingers to tiny, infant lips as the footsteps above me cease to fall. _

_ "Shhhh." I hiss as quietly as I can, knowing that the world above this basement is drenched with death and filled with those who would kill without remorse. _

_ Thunder erupts from above me and bullets pepper through the floorboards. I curl myself over the baby in my arms, attempting to protect her, to shield her…too late. There is a spray of blood across my face and chest as pain slices down my back and arm as bullets rip across the skin. _

_ The footsteps leave and I sit there, looking into wide, beautiful grey eyes as too little blood drains from the tiny body in my arms…so innocent…_

* * *

_ "Liara…get out." I hear a feral growl inside my mind. "__**Now**__."_

_ I tense and break the connection….too fast…_

* * *

"I've got you." strong arms wrapped around me and kept me on my feet. "What's wrong? Do I need to call the doc? Liara," a rough shake, "Liara, talk to me dammit!"

I managed to lift my head and look into silver, suffering eyes. My legs gave out and she cradled me against her, lowering me to the floor. Sweat dripped from her hair and landed on my cheeks, where her shaking, frigid hands brushed it away.

"Liara?" she asked again, her voice controlled, though tight with worry.

"I'm sorry." tears flooded my eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." she lifted me in arms too strong and carried me to a small cot.

_A litter_, my fractured mind managed to convey.

Gentle, she set me down, turning my head to the side and cushioning it with a large packet of gauze.

"What happened?" she asked, but I could barely speak through the throbbing in my skull. "What do you need?"

"Rest." I managed to rasp as my eyes fluttered closed. "Just rest…so…sorry."


	13. Chapter 13

**Liara**

I jerked awake from a nightmare that was not mine. An acrid scent stung my nose, iron and salt. The pounding in my head returned with a vengeance, and every joint felt as though it had been jerked out of socket and pulled ungently back into place.

"Are you all right?" I heard the commander's voice and opened my eyes, focusing on the brightness of her eyes. Even though their light, I could see the pain hovering behind them, and I feared what I had done. She still leaned against the desk, her arms crossed against her chest, both a protective and defensive posture.

_I thought to earn her trust…and I have somehow destroyed any chance of that happening now. I have invaded her mind…perhaps the highest crime among the asari. _

"Are you?" I wondered.

"Got one hell of a headache, doctor." Shepard's lips quirked upward in a flash of a smile. "You aren't the only one who hasn't done that before."

"I apologize." I lowered my eyelids, an expression of shame. "I should have warned you previously but I was…"

"You also aren't the only one who's made foolish decisions, Liara." Shepard attempted to be consoling, and I did not know if I could bear it.

I did not know how to juxtapose the bloodstained, grieving, pained woman in the memories against the low tones filled with kindness. I did not know if I could endure the mystery set before me, at least not without unraveling it.

"Regardless of that," I apologized, "I feel I have wronged you in some way…and there is no way to undo it."

Shepard nodded. "No use crying over spilled milk I suppose." she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "I suppose we can forget and forgive then? Emphasis on forget."

I struggled to sit up and leaned my head against the cool metal of the wall, the chill helping to ease my headache somewhat. "While I do not understand the reason any species would have to weep over lost liquid…"

Shepard laughed. "Now it's my turn to apologize." she claimed. "I forget how untranslatable human idioms can be at times. Wrex as a mercenary, Garrus as a C-Sec officer, and Tali on her pilgrimage…they've all had extensive interactions with my kind."

"I have not." I shook my head. "And I find your linguistic nuances baffling. But please," I hastily amended, "please go to no trouble to change anything. I won't have the crew more discomfited by my presence than they already are."

"You're a kind woman, Liara." Shepard spoke, her voice barely audible. "I…I got that sense from you somehow when we were…you know…"

"Joined." I supplied the word. "I did not expect the subconscious presence to exist and interact so strongly. I should not have been so forward, I should not have been so invasive and…" I threw my hands up in despair, "I learned nothing. The vision was so fractured, so chaotic…it was not meant for your mind, commander."

"You saw everything you saw and you don't think such a hellscape belongs tucked away in my head?" Shepard asked, but her voice was not serious. There was a biting edge to it, an anger that I did not understand because it was laced through with…humor?

"I simply meant that the information logged in the Prothean's beacons was not meant to transfer to other species…I did not mean to imply that your mind was sub-par in any capacity, but it seems I cannot find my feet and…"

"Relax, Liara." she looked puzzled for a moment, as though wondering when her mask of formality had dropped between us. "I was joking."

"How can you find humor at a time like this?" I asked. "And in the mess of…" I gestured vaguely in the direction of her head, "…what's in there." I finished, lame, knowing that the briefest mention of it somehow caused her pain.

"It's a human coping mechanism." Shepard explained, gentle. "It may take some time, but you'll get used to it."

"It doesn't make sense, Shepard." I countered, frowning at the thought of it. "It's so highly irrational."

I earned another low chuckle from the commander. "We are not a race known for our rationality. Any student of human history could tell you that."

"And are you?" I asked. "A student of human history?"

"In my own way, I suppose you could call me that." Shepard agreed, shifting from her position against the desk.

"Why?" I asked, curious. "When the galaxy is now wide open to your species, why would you mire your thoughts in the past of your people?"

"Why would you squander your maiden years seeking scraps of information about a race that vanished fifty-thousand years ago?" Shepard countered my question with her own, and my pride rose deep within me.

_Enough! _I thought. _Enough with the questions. It is enough that I was forced to endure them from Benezia, from my professors and my tutors. I will __**not**__ stand for this from a…a practical stranger. _

"Because we _must_ learn from what has happened! You yourself know this, commander, or you would not have sought to add me to your crew. You _value_ the knowledge that I have, you know that it can somehow aid us in the future. What I am doing is…perhaps impractical, but _necessary_ so that we can understand what happened to us, what shaped us, and where we can go from there…either to edify our own minds or save us from what might come."

"And there you have my answer." Shepard's eyes glinted in the ship's harsh, artificial light. "Perhaps on a less grand scale, but it is the same motivation that drives us to seek out secrets from the past. We are not so unalike, Liara."

_You. Are. Infuriating!_ I glared at the commander, unable to gather my composure, unable to…to do anything, really.

I opened my mouth to reply with the intercom crackled.

"_Commander Shepard to the bridge._" came the voice of the pilot.

Shepard pushed off of the desk. "Perhaps we can speak later. Get some rest, Liara."

The storeroom door swished open, leaving me alone with my thoughts, which were tangled and fractious and not at all the peace of mind I so desperately needed. I rose from my makeshift bed and groaned as my body made its aches and complaints known. I sat down at the desk and eyed the extranet terminal.

_I __**have**__ to know._

I flipped the terminal on and tried to sort out my thoughts. Commander Shepard was a mystery, by turns kind and terrifying, intense and flippant. I did not think such traits applied to all humans. The images in Shepard's mind flashed across my eyes, not just the Prothean vision but the…the others. The vision, I could make no sense of…but I was an archaeologist, a solver of mysteries. I stared at the monitor…and began to dig.


	14. Chapter 14

**Liara**

_ Goddess._

I stared at the screen, attempting to decipher the pictures I saw before me. Deep craters in the surface of the planet, homes and businesses set on fire, dead bodies, civilian and soldier, in the streets. It was the human colony of Mindoir. It had been the first article to appear after my simple input of: Alliance Navy, Commander Shepard.

The batarian's razing of the colony had been news…I remembered hearing about it after it happened…was it just a short twelve years ago? I had not thought much of it at the time, thinking it a horrible tragedy but little more…too involved in my own pursuits to consider the state of the galaxy at large.

But now, as I read in depth about the attack, the Alliance's inability to drive out the entrenched batarians, about the few…precious few…survivors that escaped or were rescued, I could hear the rattle of gunfire and the screams of the innocent. I could smell the death and the blood in the streets. Being inside Shepard's mind had made the experience real, and it devastated me.

It was one thing to walk over a patch of dead planet and know that beneath the soil dwelled a mass grave. It was one thing to research the dead so long dead that no one remembered, cared, or grieved. But to live through something like this, to watch your home razed and burned to the ground, have all those you loved die…

I scrolled through the names of the casualties, a list too long and heartbreaking to absorb the entirety of. Three names stood out; my heart burned and my lips quivered as I read them.

_Jackson Shepard – Age 42 yrs._

_ Hannah Shepard – Age 39 yrs._

_ Elizabeth Shepard – Age 8 mo._

My breath caught in my throat as the images in Shepard's mind assailed me again, the emotions that had abraded my skin and torn at my heart. The tiny bundle held in her arms…the grey eyes, so like the commander's own, locked wide in death caused by a stray bullet.

_Her…her sister_, tears flooded my eyes. _Her baby sister…all alone in that dark basement. She must have been so frightened. Oh goddess. _

I closed the article, unable to stare at the pictures any longer, feeling as intimately connected to them as if I had been there myself on that day.

_How must it have felt_, I wondered, _to watch everything you love torn from you? To hold your own flesh and blood and watch them die while you sit helpless to do anything…helpless to even retaliate? Is it the hatred most surely spawned in this moment that made her become a soldier? A way to find vengeance…does every enemy turn into those batarian slavers? _

I shook my head, loathing that I placed such dark thoughts in a mind that…that had held little darkness. The memories were frightening, alarming, terrifying…but there was a surety in her very being when I witnessed them. Her warning had been concise and severe, not panicked. It had been an order, not a plea.

_Does she feel this pain any longer? _I wondered as I continued scrolling the list of search results. _Or is it tightly locked away in some part of her brain…a place the soldier does not go. But does the woman venture there? What am I doing…I know little of human physiology, and have even less insight into their psyche. I cannot think of her as I would think of a fellow asari…I have no basis on which to judge her strengths and weaknesses. I can but see where she has been, and attempt to elucidate her character yet further. _

My throat tightened as I saw a picture flash on the screen. It was a younger version of the Commander, the same intent silver gaze, but there was…mirth…there. Her eyes fairly twinkled, their unique color accentuated by the deep blue of her Alliance dress uniform. Her hair was shorter…and there was no scar on her face.

The headline beside the picture read: ALLIANCE LIEUTENANT SHEPARD UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR DEATHS OF SOLDIERS AT AKUZE.

_Akuze?_

I opened the article, reading a journalist's take on the slaughter of Akuze, where a standard military mission had gone awry when a thresher maw, one of the ancient predators found beneath the soil of most desert planets and arid areas, especially on the krogan homeworld of Tuchanka, had appeared. The squad had been unprepared, with little to no heavy artillery…and only Shepard, a lieutenant at the time, had survived.

_She commanded the mission_, I processed as I read further, pulling up more accounts of the incident at Akuze. _And lost everyone under her command. She survived extensive acid burns to her back and legs. Doctors predicted she would never walk again. _

I read through the original incident report, and the subsequent records of investigation. I thought it odd that such things were public knowledge, but I did not know the statute of limitations for such things among the humans. I stared at the screen, transfixed by the transcript of Shepard's statement about what had happened.

_It was chaos, pure and simple. We'd unknowingly entered the territory of a more powerful enemy, so to speak. We didn't have the proper equipment to take on that monster. I gave orders to retreat; the squad pulled back. I stayed, trying to head the damn thing off. Bullets didn't make a dent, and between the earth breaking and the acid spray and no cover to speak of…we had nothing. Do I take responsibility for their deaths? Yes. I do. Could I have done anything under those circumstances to prevent them? No. Should I be dead alongside them? Yes. Without a doubt. _

I shut off the terminal and rested my elbows on the desk, cradling my head in my hands. I could hear the screams of the wounded and the dying, feel the earth shift beneath my feet. The roar of the thresher maw echoed in my ears, along with Shepard's orders.

_Martinez, get the fuck back! Ivey, three o'clock! Bravo Team, stop shooting and move your asses! What the hell part of retreat don't you lugnuts get!?_

And then the pain…the mind-numbing sensation of skin being eaten away and muscle burned through, down to the bone, nerves set screaming as eyes closed like stage curtains.

_How did she survive? _I asked myself. _How could anyone…of __**any**__ race…survive…and continue to lead? Obviously she was proven innocent in the deaths, otherwise she could not have retained her military position and advanced in rank. _

My eyes blurred with tears yet again, for my predicament and the mystery that I now felt had not been mine to uncover. Such tragedies were often blanketed, ignored, and not spoken of. It was true of any polite society…yet here I had ventured, much like my foray into Shepard's mind. Without skill, without knowledge, and now only regret to color my actions.

I shook my head and rose from my seat at the desk, walking back to the litter and lying down. I could not think anymore of the commander and what I had seen. Instead, I focused on another oddity…another mystery, no more my right to solve than the last.

_In all the articles, in all the documents…there was no mention whatsoever of her first name. Why would such a thing be kept a secret? _


	15. Chapter 15

**Thessia**

The ring of an omni-tool broke made Liara glance up from her recounting and cease speaking. Sen looked at her display and frowned, lifting her eyes to Liara's.

"Do you mind if I get this?" she asked, gesturing towards the flashing tool on her wrist.

"Not in the least." Liara waved her hand. "We have quite a bit of time here, I won't begrudge a few minutes."

"Thanks." Sen rose from her chair and ducked into the bathroom, closing the door for privacy.

She opened the vid screen on her omni and accepted the call. She saw Mira's face and relief flooded her, pushing back the stress of the morning.

"Is everything all right, Sen?" her lover asked. "I got your message but it seemed a little…jumbled and distracted."

"What…no…I…yes." Sen stumbled, made once more aware of the blinding fatigue that listening to Liara had momentarily dispelled. "I'm fine. Stuff just…it got crazy here for a little while."

"Are you on your way home now?" Mira demanded, her eyes narrowing.

Sen frowned. This sounded like the start of an argument that had been started a thousand times in a hundred places. It never seemed to end, and the cardiologist had neither the emotional nor mental stamina to endure it again.

"I'll be here for another twenty-four hours, Mira." she explained. "At the least." She winced, awaiting the questions, the accusations…none of which came.

"You look tired, Sen." Mira's voice filled with compassion. "What happened?"

Sen shook her head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

The sly, mischievous grin she so adored spread across Mira's lips. "Try me." she said in that low, seductive voice that sent chills of awareness through the cardiologist's body.

"Not fair." Sen hissed. "In all seriousness, you won't believe it. I scarcely believe it myself."

"All this buildup and no follow through, Dr. T'Aryn. I'm disappointed in you." Mira clicked her tongue between her teeth and glared at Sen through the vid-link.

"Fine, but this stays between you and me." Sen looked around, cautious, even though she knew she was alone. She had always been wary of her surroundings, always expecting the unexpected…a fact that disconcerted her, since she had no knowledge of where this trait had come from.

"Right, right." Mira agreed, eager to learn the secret. "Medical confidentiality. Got it."

"I've been assigned, at her request, to the care of Dr. Liara T'Soni." Sen replied, the words sounding like a lie even though she knew they were the truth.

"Sen?" Mira asked, the edge in her tone that spoke of disbelief and distrust. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's the truth."

"Is it?" Mira heaved an exasperated sigh that cut at the doctor even through the vid-link. Sen's heart sank. "Never mind…I'm sorry I disturbed you. Go back to work; I'll see you when you get home…whenever that will be."

"Mira, I'm sorry." Sen apologized, clenching her free hand into a fist, hating that she could do nothing to change her situation, and that apologies were becoming more of a problem and less of a solution when applied to her relationship.

"Good-bye, Sen."

"Bye." the word drifted off her lips with a mixture of frustration and sorrow as the vid-link went dark.

Sen exited the bathroom, closing the door as quietly as possible so as not to disturb her patient.

"I apologize for the interruption." she said as she re-took her seat.

Liara smiled. "Trouble in paradise, doctor?"

"I…what…how did you know?" Sen sighed, knowing she had been found out and that there was little she could do about it.

"Your expression." Liara explained. "I've worn that look at least a thousand times myself. It's all right, doctor," she lifted a placating hand, "I won't pry. Some secrets…some secrets need to be kept."

"So you were telling me." Sen replied, eager to get back to the story and distract herself from the thoughts of Mira and where their relationship was…or wasn't…going.

Liara shook her head and her eyes drifted faraway, to a different time and place, a different lifetime really. "Indeed. I had so much to learn back then."

"Did you ever ask the commander?" Sen asked, leaning forward, indicating her interest. "About what had happened to her? About what you'd learned?"

"Yes." Liara leaned back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, careful not to disconnect the pads attached to her skin, monitoring the beat of her heart. "But not for quite a while. We did not get the chance to speak privately for quite some time after our initial conversation and that," a slight grin quirked her lips, "that disastrous meld. In fact, I only saw the commander in passing for a while after that. I wondered if the meld had upset her, but she always had a kind word of greeting, and never seemed unduly disturbed by my presence."

"And the rest of the ship?" Sen asked, intrigued.

"I…I kept largely to myself." Liara laughed. "Shepard and Doctor Chakwas were kind enough to allow me to make the medical storeroom my permanent quarters aboard ship. I wanted to stay out of the way, you understand."

"I do." Sen meditated on Liara's words.

At the beginning of what would become the Reaper War, humans had still been relatively new to the galaxy, learning how to move in and amongst and deal with other species appropriately. There had been so many complications in this endeavor, as there always were in first contact situations. It was different now, on both sides. Commander Shepard and her heroism had seen to that. Her sacrifices had seen to that.

"The way they treated you, was it…was it bad?" Sen asked, wanting to know more of life before the war, of how the galaxy had changed and shifted.

"At first, no." Liara explained. "There were quite a few xenophobes aboard ship, Executive Officer Pressley being one, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams another, though hers was a subtle resentment, not an out and out hatred. But Shepard kept them well in hand…for a time."

"What changed?"

Liara closed her eyes. "Feros."


	16. Chapter 16

**Liara**

"This is bullshit!" a loud voice in the med-bay filtered through the storeroom door, rousing my attention for the first time from hours of pointless attempts to find any further information on the Conduit.

"Lieutenant Alenko," Dr. Chakwas' calm tones followed, "please refrain from shouting. Your blood pressure is already elevated and you shouldn't cause your body any undue stress."

"Why not?" Kaidan asked, his voice surly. "You're benching me anyway."

I edged closer to the door, wondering at the anger in the young man's tone. He seemed to be one of the most even tempered people aboard the Normandy, rarely raising his voice, even in command to a subordinate. He had been very kind to me, inviting me to sit with him in the "chow" hall, a human term for food which he had explained without laughter or derision when I had asked.

"Don't blame the doc, Alenko." Shepard spoke and my interest was piqued. From the whispered rumors one could not help but hear, the commander's aversion to med bay was nothing if not legendary. "If it's anyone's fault, it's mine."

"All due respect, Shepard, this is fucking stupid." Alenko spoke, and there was a decided falseness in his tone; no sort of respect in his words. "You're one hell of a soldier, I've seen you take down things a stronger person would run from. But all this…all this jumping into unknown territory. You _have_ to cover all your bases. You _need_ a biotic."

"I _need_ a biotic who isn't doubled over in his rack from a goddamn migraine." Shepard said, but there was no ire in her voice. It did not rise with anger like the lieutenant's. It simply reminded…and humbled.

_And that very gift…that very gift is why she is both feared and admired. To terrify someone with your calm; that is a gift possessed by so few. _

I shuddered at the first similarity I had noticed between Shepard and Benezia. My mother never freed her anger, never spoke loudly with wrath, instead using smooth words that stung and filtered through the mind like an insidious poison, inciting fear but also building respect. That Shepard could do the same, and so young…it made me admire her all the more.

"I'm fine." Kaidan insisted. "Doctor Chakwas, tell her I'm fine."

"I most certainly will inform the commander of that." Chakwas calmly stated. "The moment it is the truth."

"I've had a migraine in combat before." Kaidan pushed. "And we don't even know if this situation will be volatile. You're better off with me there. There are meds…"

"Which only alleviate the symptoms." Chakwas interrupted. "The pain is a warning, Lieutenant. If you ignore that warning and persist in using your biotics, those L2 implants will wreak havoc on your system. You've been very lucky thus far."

"I'll be lucky again." Kaidan asserted. "Commander, you can't make me sit this one out. This is important, for the entire galaxy and I'll feel…it would be more advantageous for the mission if you have someone who can watch your back if your shields get knocked out."

I pressed against the door, feeling somewhat guilty for listening to conversations in which I had no part, but the very nature of the exchange drove me to persist in continuing. It was a chance to listen to human interaction unobserved, to gauge their reactions and responses. If I could learn more about them, perhaps I might be more confident and less prone to making mistakes in their presence. Perhaps they might accept me and believe in my innocence if I _tried_.

"I can't do it, Kaidan." Shepard replied. "I won't compromise you or the mission. Sorry."

"Shepard…"

"That's an _order_, Lieutenant!" her voice did rise then, the slightest bit, enough to make me pull away from the door.

"I am hereby placing you on 24 hour quarters, Lieutenant Alenko." Dr. Chakwas ameliorated the situation. "Take the medication as instructed and get some rest."

I heard the sounds of muttering, and the heavy thump of footfalls striding out of the med-bay.

"Dammit, Karin," Shepard cursed. "He's right, you know. Armor is all well and good, guns even better, but they all fall apart sometime. I do need a biotic in the field, I just…I can't…"

"He cares for you, commander." Chakwas explained, revealing more to me of humanity with that simple statement.

"I know." Shepard's voice lowered. "And he presented me with strategy and logic. It was a sound argument…and better than any sappy puppy love declaration or testosterone fueled blundering."

"He appeals to your mind, not your heart." Karin chuckled. "It would seem he knows you all too well."

"Not well enough." Shepard quipped. "Romantic entanglements and the chain of command don't work. Been there. Done that. Fuck that."

"Let him down easily, commander." Chakwas warned. "His life has been full of disappointments of this sort."

_Are all the lives of humans filled with such grief? _I wondered. _They are so short-lived…why does it seem that blink of existence is over burdened with pain? A lifetime built upon the accumulation of suffering? Surely it cannot be so._

"I'll worry about that when I'm not worrying about keeping people alive." Shepard answered, and I heard the sounds of rhythmic footfalls, as though she were pacing back and forth across the med-bay. "ETA to Feros is sixteen hours; Kaidan's out for twenty-four. I've got one option, Karin, and I don't like it. I wouldn't mind if this mission went quick and quiet…but Therum was supposed to be an abandoned ruin with no one there. We found it crawling with geth and we barely dodged dying in a volcano. I have to assume the worst."

"That is only wise." Chakwas agreed. "Though this option, if it is what I believe, will earn you no love and little trust from your crew."

"At the same time…if it goes well…it might help some things pan out." Shepard countered.

I pulled away from the door, a sneaking suspicion filtering into my mind as I returned to my chair and sat at the terminal. I silenced my thoughts and waited, waited for the sound of footsteps to approach my door.

The door opened and I turned my chair towards it, attempting to look innocent, as though I had not just overheard their entire conversation.

"Commander." I rose to my feet as was proper custom when greeting someone of higher rank, something that rang true of both human and asari culture.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you, Liara." Shepard greeted me with my first name, a rarity in her, unless she addressed the other aliens traveling with us.

"Not at all. Is there something you need?"

Shepard's eyes flitted to the lit terminal, then to me. "Actually, yes." she nodded, succinct. "How are you with a gun?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Liara**

I stared at the commander for a moment, letting an uncomfortable silence fall between us. Shepard leaned against the wall, her silver eyes unsettling as they refused to move away.

"Can I ask the purpose of your question?" I finally managed to stammer, finding the abruptness of her original inquiry somewhat unsettling after the argument I had overheard in the med bay.

Shepard smirked, an intricate quirking of lips that lasted less than a second, but conveyed so much. "You mean you didn't hear all the yelling through the doors?"

I felt my cheeks heat and knew that they had turned a tell-tale shade of lavender. "It…it isn't my place to listen in on your private conversations, commander."

"Private, huh?" Shepard pushed off of the wall and sat down on the desk beside my chair. "I'm pretty sure the whole ship heard that. And if they didn't, it'll circulate through gossip soon enough. So I'll ask again, doc. How are you with a gun?"

I sighed. "Once Benezia agreed, reluctantly, to let me pursue my chosen profession, she demanded I be trained in self-defense. I am an adept biotic…"

"Tell me something I don't know." Shepard interrupted, a look of admiration in her eyes. "You held a full body stasis on that geth down in the mines. That's not something easily achieved, and you weren't exactly at peak performance."

Her scrutiny forced my gaze to the floor. I did not know what to do with those eyes that stared through me, so bright and filled with a keen intelligence. Not after I knew of the sorrow in her past, of the blood she had shed, of the struggles she must have endured to bring her to this position and this place.

_The first human SPECTRE. How could someone drenched in that much sorrow rise to a level of galactic importance in such a short time? Twelve years since Mindoir. Six since Akuze. It would seem the human capacity for healing mental wounds is remarkable. If not…their ability to deceive themselves into functionality after such trauma is nothing short of a miracle. _

"Thank you, commander." I mumbled, daring to look her in the eye once more. "In addition to extensive biotic training, I am competent with small arms and close quarter weaponry. Pistols are my preferred choice, if I am required to use them."

"So…training but no real world experience?" Shepard asked.

"I am an archaeologist, Shepard." I replied, wondering why she asked obvious questions. "My biotics have been sufficient protection against what I've come up against on various dig sites."

"I see." Shepard looked away from me at last, focusing on some distant horizon that lay beyond the walls of the ship. Perhaps even beyond the walls of the galaxy.

"What are you really attempting to ask me, Shepard?" I hazarded a forward inquiry.

"Have you ever taken a life, Liara?" she turned to me, asking the question I had pushed towards. "A sentient life?"

"No." I answered, watching her eyes darken with some inexplicable emotion. "Save for the wild animals that had taken over several abandoned dig sites…I've never been called upon to do such a thing."

Shepard slapped her hands down on her thighs and rose from the desk. "That answers that." she said, though she was not speaking to me. "Thank you for your time, Liara. I apologize if I've bothered you."

"Is that all you came to ask?" she stopped at the door as I spoke. "Or was there something further that you needed?"

"It's nothing." she turned back to me with a half-smile. "Don't worry about it."

"You were planning to ask me to accompany your team." I rose from my seat, feeling my temper flare as I realized that Shepard was doing what Benezia had done so often.

_I will not be treated like a child any longer! I have agreed to join this crew and its mission, and if my help is needed I will not sit idly by when I might be of aid. Whatever answers we might find can give us clues as to mother's whereabouts, answer the quesion of Saren's betrayal, perhaps unravel the mystery of the Prothean disappearance once and for all. _

"I was entertaining the notion, yeah." Shepard admitted, to my surprise. "We could use a biotic planetside but…it's not looking like a good idea."

"Is it because you have no desire to take an infant goat along with your squad?" I asked, pressing the issue further.

Shepard stared at me, her eyebrows arched with confusion. "Say what now?" she asked.

"An infant goat." I continued. "Or is that not what Wrex referred to me as in the briefing room?"

Shepard looked at me a moment longer, her lips, pursed in a thin line, beginning to twitch. At last she parted them and a hoarse laugh broke free, a short, scoffing bark.

"He called you a 'kid', doc." she spoke after she had regained her composure. "You must have found the oldest meaning of that word. It's not an insult, Liara."

"Be that as it may, I have offered you my assistance, in whatever way possible." I insisted, refusing to allow my misstep to derail the conversation at hand. "If that means participating as an active member of your squad, then I am more than willing."

Shepard's face, which had softened in its moment of humor, returned to the firm lines of the ship's commanding officer. "Out of the question, Liara."

"Why?" I demanded. "You admitted that my biotic prowess is more than sufficient to fit combat parameters, and I am willing to show my skills with weapons, if you still hold them in doubt."

"It's not that." Shepard countered. "It's the fact that you haven't ever done anything like this before. It's likely as not going to be a goddamn warzone out there, and I have no wish to put you in danger."

"I am offering, commander." I asserted. "If something should happen to me, then you can absolve yourself of that guilt."

"That's not how it works." Shepard countered. "I am responsible for every single soul on board this ship. That's a lot of lives to keep track and take care of. You didn't ask to be here, and I'm not going to force or coerce you into something that could get you hurt or see you dead."

"Then let me do it for my sake." I squared my shoulders and looked her in the eye. "Let me prove myself worthy of your crew's trust because, frankly, I am quite weary of hiding in this storage room. Let me make this entire situation easier, both for you, and myself. I'll bear the consequences as they come."

"You don't know what kind of decision you're making, Liara." Shepard warned me. "I need someone who won't back down in a firefight, who will kill before being killed, and who is going to watch the squad's back."

"Commander, I saved your life when I had just as much cause to distrust you as the krogan and the geth." I surprised myself as I spoke with more force than I thought lay within me.

_What am I doing? I know the dangers of this…I have never experienced a true battle, real war. My life has been in danger yes, but never from another sentient being. Why am I so adamant in this? _

Shepard pursed her lips. "Meet me in the weapons room. One hour."

"Aye aye, commander." I said, sinking back in my chair as she left the room, propping my elbows on the desk and burying my head in my hands.

_What in the goddess' name possessed me to do that?_

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks to everyone who has followed or favorited this story for your incredible patience. Life managed to fall apart at the beginning of this year. My mom suffered a heart attack, and just as she got out of the woods, one of my brothers in uniform took his own life. It's been a hard couple of weeks, but I've managed to make it through thanks to the help and support of good friends, some of whom I've met on this site. You're an awesome group of people, and it is my privilege to share my work with you, and an honor to have it read. I hope to be able to continue with regular updates, so thank you for all of your understanding. Bright Blessings,

~R.S.


	18. Chapter 18

**Liara**

The minutes ticked by, counted by my omni-tool. I rose to my feet and began pacing the length of the medical storeroom, thinking about the conversation I'd had with Shepard. I did not know why I had been so forceful. A part of me wanted to convince myself that it had been due to the fact that we might uncover news of Benezia's whereabouts.

Another part of me knew that those thoughts were in no way true. In the time I had spent aboard the Normandy, I had found myself focusing more on those who surrounded me, their mission and their motivations and their ways, and less on my mother's role in this great galactic snafu, as Lieutenant Alenko had called it.

_Situation Normal: All Fucked Up. _I remembered reading about the origins of the acronym on the extranet. It was a military term from earth's World War II…something that I found frightening simply by its name. While Thessia had known its share of troubles, there had never been a war that involved our species fighting against each other on a massive scale. The battles and skirmishes that lay within our histories were glossed over as a time before the asari people had truly come into their own, and realized their role as the voice and mediators of the galactic community.

That humans, a new voice in our galaxy, a new presence, had already proven themselves, in their histories as well as present day, to be as war-like as the krogan, if not as long lived…was a terrifying discovery.

However, in spite of this knowledge, in spite of these realizations, I still wanted nothing more than to accompany Shepard's squad on the planet Feros. I wanted to see the best humanity had to offer in action, in a clear frame of mind, not half out of it as I had been on Therum. It was the way of the asari to remain quiet and to give all situations time—for time was one thing we had in abundance.

_But time is changing_, I realized as I looked around the room, thinking of how drastically my life had altered in the last few weeks. _Perhaps Benezia sensed this as well. Perhaps she believes that allying with Saren is in the best interests of the galaxy. I do not know what would provoke her to such beliefs…but it has been so long since we have spoken. Perhaps I no longer know her as well as I once thought…and perhaps I was foolish in thinking that I knew her at all. _

I glanced down at my omni-tool, breathed deep and gathered my composure. Exactly one hour had passed. I made my way out of the storage room and took the excruciatingly slow elevator to the ship's lower level, nodding to Wrex and Garrus as I walked by them. Chief Williams stood beside a bench, busy cleaning her rifle. She did not acknowledge my presence in the least, simply followed me with her eyes as I moved past her and opened the hatch in the floor. It had a ladder which lowered into a cargo bay where the weapons were stored. A range was set up beyond the shelves of rifles, shotguns, pistols, boxes of ammunition and weapon and armor modifications.

Shepard stood there in the pose I had come to associate with her. Leaning on the table, her arms crossed over her waist, one leg thrown over the other, with one foot planted firmly on the ground, with the other in a perpendicular line, toe pointed on the ground, heel in the air.

I did not know why I smiled at the sight of this, or why her bearing put my jangled nerves at ease. All I knew was that seeing her like this, after I had peered into the dark recesses of her mind and discovered the secrets of her past, filled me with a sense of improbable calm.

"Ready to impress me, Dr. T'Soni?" Shepard asked, a single eyebrow lifting along with the corners of her lips.

"I doubt that my meagre skills will be anything next to impressive after the battlefield prowess you've seen." I ducked my head as my cheeks began to burn…again.

The presence of the commander seemed to have an unsettling effect on me that I could not name. Her mere physical proximity was comforting in its solidity, but the words she spoke would often set my teeth on edge and make me defensive. I wondered if she did this purposefully, to rebuild the walls that our disastrous meld had somewhat torn down. I had not gathered the courage to speak to her about what I had discovered, though the questions burned within me.

"I'm sure you'll do fine." Shepard smiled, pushing off of the table and gesturing to the range. "This is obviously not a live fire range, seeing as punching holes in a space faring vessel is generally inadvisable. So I imagine it'll look a lot like your training did. Holographic simulations. Standard targets first, then moving. Sound good?"

"Of course." I accepted the weapon she offered me, a state of the art pistol made for just such a range, built to the true weight of the actual gun and programmed with the accurate recoil to make training as real-world as possible.

"All right then." Shepard stepped back and to my left, much like my instructors had. "Fire when ready."

I checked the gun over, flipping off the safety mechanism and pulling back on the slide, knowing that it did not hold actual rounds, but attempting to show the commander that I did, in fact, know how to handle a weapon.

Shepard chuckled behind me as I took up a firing stance. I opened my mouth to command the computer to begin the simulation when I felt Shepard's body behind mine. Warmth infused me and I realized that this was the first time we had been this close without my nerves being wracked or without my nearly being unconscious. I swallowed, registering in the academic part of my mind that human body temperature was most definitely higher than that of the asari.

"Relax your arm." she took my right elbow in her hand and unstiffened the joint. Her touch was secure, affirming, and not at all unpleasant or jarring. "If you hold it straight out, the recoil is less easy to compensate for, and if you have an itchy finger or a hair trigger mod, you can waste rounds that way."

"All right." I mumbled, my mouth having gone dry from the warmth of her breath against my crest. Tingles of excitement fluttered across my nerves, and I wondered if it would be prudent to warn her that her mouth was quite close to a well-known asari erogenous zone.

She moved back and I adjusted my stance, breathing in and exhaling to ground myself. The right side of my body still felt uncomfortably aflame. I mentally steeled myself.

"Computer, begin." Shepard ordered from behind me, and the first target shimmered into view.

I inhaled, lining up the sights, then fired on the exhale, wincing as the sound of the shots echoed in the small room. I fired until the weapon's blinking lights turned red, signaling that the simulated magazine was empty. I cleared the weapon once more, then set it on the table as Shepard moved forward, examining the marks in the holographic target.

"Nice grouping." she pursed her lips. "You're firing a little high and to the left, but that could just be from the training weapon. Your rate of fire was a little slower than I'd like, but I'd guess it's been a while since you've fired any sort of gun."

"Only the annual qualifier to reinstate my carrying license, yet another of Benezia's requirements." I answered as Shepard typed information into the computer, programming another set of targets.

The commander paused and looked at me, her eyes filled with the sorrow of commiseration. "She obviously cared for you a great deal, Liara."

I pursed my lips, feeling uncomfortable with this area of discussion. "In her own way, perhaps." I managed to reply, busying myself with readying the weapon to keep myself distracted.

Shepard sighed. "Well there's somewhere I shouldn't have gone." she muttered, somehow reading me better than I could her, despite that she seemed to be as foreign to the asari as I was to humankind.

"I am sorry." I set the weapon down and looked at her. "I should not have been dismissive when you were attempting to speak kindly. It is simply that I find myself…"

"Not exactly comfortable talking about your past with the woman commissioned to hunt down your mother." Shepard finished, and I nodded, though I would not have stated the matter so bluntly.

"I…yes. That would seem to be the case." I allowed, hoping that she would let the matter rest.

She returned to the screen, setting parameters and speeds and arranging the angles of target approach.

"Look, Liara…" Shepard looked up at me, then around, as if making certain that we were alone. "I've been trying to think of a way to bring this up that isn't awkward or odd but…but I can't, so I just have to jump right in."

"Yes?" I found myself flexing my fingers as my shoulders stiffened.

Shepard's eyes fixed on mine, in spite of her supposed reticence to speak. I wondered if this were a trait that the military and having others under your command engendered. This directness.

"That…that meld thing." she placed a hand to the back of her neck and sighed. "I know it's not my place, and I don't mean to intrude but…when you saw what you saw…"

_Is it possible? _I wondered. _Is it possible that she will reveal her secrets without my asking them? That perhaps the meld set in place some measure of trust between us?_

"Yes?" I asked, perhaps a little too excited.

"Well." Shepard cleared her throat. "I saw things too."


	19. Chapter 19

**Liara**

"What?" I peered into the commander's eyes, attempting to any form of deception in their cool, silver depths.

I thought perhaps this unexpected confession was a way to draw information out of me. That if I realized that she knew intimate details of my life as I knew of hers, that perhaps I would be more forthcoming. The sole caveat to this theory was that all of my memories of Benezia were…they were of the time before. Before she changed to the matriarch who would ally with a rogue SPECTRE and the geth. A matriarch who would forsake everything that the asari people stood for. Peace. Moderation. Patience.

"I'm sorry for springing it on you like this." Shepard's eyes still did not leave mine, bewildering me as her words and body language were completely at odds. "I know things are difficult enough right now as it is."

"I just do not understand how such a thing could have happened." I bit my lip, trying to remember everything Benezia and my tutors had taught me about the intricacies of the meld. It was not much. Though Benezia paid them well, there was a stigma that surrounded my birth, a single word, barely breathed above a whisper and never spoken of in polite society.

_Pureblood. Oh goddess_, my hand flew up to cover my open mouth, _is that what she saw? Is this the reason she insists on staring at me as though I am a cadaver for dissection? Attempting to decipher what makes me so different from the other asari? _

"Well that leaves us between a rock and hard place when it comes to figuring this out." Shepard muttered.

_A rock and a hard place…_

"Your phrases baffle me." I complained, trying to control the emotions swirling through me.

My nervous anticipation at the prospect of working with a military team, the constant fear I had for my safety among a species foreign to me, my curiosity concerning Shepard's identity…and now this. The unshared secrets between us, mine in her mind, and hers in mine.

"It means I'm completely fucking ignorant." Shepard replied. "Of what I need to do, what I need to say to somehow make sense of this. I'm completely out of my element and this isn't…well it's not like me. You're not Alliance and you're not technically under my command, so it's not like I can just order you around. And, frankly, diplomacy isn't my strong suit. Why do you think Alenko tags along?"

My lips curved into a smile as a look of shame crossed the commander's features. I wanted to do something, say something to ease the tension she obviously felt, but I felt too naked already, too exposed under the knowledge that she knew more of me than I had allowed. The meld had revealed her darkest secrets to me…did she see mine in return?

"I would imagine to ameliorate your lack of social graces, commander." I spoke, barely above a whisper, hoping that Shepard would take it in good humor, as she did similar jests made by Chief Williams and Doctor Chakwas.

Shepard glared at me, incredulous. "Ameliorate?" she asked. "'Rock and a hard place' throws you, but _ameliorate_?"

I laughed with relief, grateful that she had not become angry with me. "It appears my attempt at humor was understood for its intent." I allowed. "Perhaps this will not be so difficult to discuss as we perceive."

Shepard chuckled and leaned back against the table. "Maybe not." she agreed, nodding her head.

I waited for her speak, feeling frustrated when her omni-tool chirped. She looked down at the interface and frowned.

"It's Pressly." she informed me. "He needs me on deck. I apologize, Liara, but I this is going to have to wait. In the meantime, run the sim. I'll look at the report when I'm done and let you know my decision. Get plenty of rest and be sure to hydrate. You'll need it."

"Of course, commander." I nodded and lifted the weapon once more.

Shepard departed, the sound of her footfalls heavy on the ship's floor. When I heard the hatch open and close again, I set the weapon down on the table and sighed.

_So close_, I thought, _so close to finding out more of the secrets that lay between us. It seems to be an even field now, with mutual confessions instead of a decidedly uncomfortable one-way interrogation. Perhaps it will be easier for Shepard to reveal herself if I am willing to do the same. If I volunteer information freely, and give her the measure of trust she gave me when she allowed the meld, perhaps things will not be so strange between us. And if the rest of the crew should witness her trust in me, it could benefit us all. _

I shook my head and turned to the matter at hand, more determined, if that were possible, to accompany Shepard and the rest of her squad, whether human or alien, to the planet Feros.

"Computer," I ordered, lifting the weapon and sighting it in, "begin simulation."

The targets appeared in the holographic field, not as fast as a true enemy would be, I presumed, but enough to cause some difficulty. I became frustrated as I missed several of them, wishing that I could bring my biotics into the equation. I took aim and fired, catching a target in the arm as it ducked behind cover. Another fell with a bullet to the abdomen, and the final target with a headshot.

I felt an inordinate sense of pride for that one as the simulation ended and I set the weapon back down on the table. I watched the downed target blink out of view, and my pride deflated.

_In the field, that might be a living being. I do not think I would feel remorse for bringing down a geth, as they are little more than an experiment in AI gone too far, and unsuccessful at that. But what if I were forced to aim my weapon at another, a krogan, turian, asari…or human? What if I were forced to, as Shepard brought up, take an innocent life? Would there be any pride in that? Or simply guilt? _

Misgiving filled me as I left the weapons room and returned to my quarters, to lie back and stare at the ceiling…imagining what might be. How my life might change, not over the course of years, as asari often experienced, but over the course of hours…even minutes.

_If these are the thoughts as experienced by a human mind…always conscious of time, for it is so short for them…then it is no wonder that their lives are so filled with pain. Perhaps, if I can learn to understand time as they do, grasp it as they do, I will be able to know them better. No matter my hesitation, I have to go._


	20. Chapter 20

**Liara**

_This is truly happening._

Fifteen hours of planning and troubled sleep later, I stood behind Shepard at the Normandy's exit. Already the tension inside the ship was running high. The pilot, Joker, had hailed the control tower at Zhu's Hope, the colony at which we were landing, four times without response. After doing the requisite flyover and hailing yet again, Shepard gave the order to dock the ship, with or without permission from ground control.

Since then, her brows had developed a permanent crease and her cold eyes blazed as she eyed me and Garrus Vakarian for what seemed like the fiftieth time.

"Vakarian, you've got a clasp loose." she observed. "Button it up."

The turian complied, snapping the chest piece of his armor in place.

"T'Soni?" she asked, her eyes roving over the armor that the requisitions officer had procured, the weapon resting on my thigh. "You've got one more chance. Chief Williams and Tali both offered to come along."

"No, commander." I attempted a posture as strong as hers, though I was certain that I failed in executing it. "I intend to see this mission to its end."

For the briefest of moments, her face relaxed, and the hint of a smile played over her lips, but it quickly vanished as she donned her helmet, the black shield obscuring her expression permanently.

"All right." she faced us, her voice crackling through the com-link built into our helmets. "I have no idea what's going to happen once we get out there, but I'm expecting the worst. Keep alert, keep focused, and be sparing of your ammo if you can be; we don't know what we're looking at or how long we might be planetside. I know you've checked out your equipment, so I'm not even going to ask about full canteens or magazines. Any questions?"

"No, commander." Garrus answered, assault rifle in hand.

"I believe I understand." I replied as Shepard turned her head.

"Roger that." the helmet dipped with an emphatic nod. "T'Soni, you weren't here for my initial commander's brief, so you'll get the short version. One: no one's a hero. Two: don't try to be one. Three: no matter what anyone says, the mission comes _second_. Keep an eye on your squad, keep them up, keep them going, and the mission will handle itself. We clear?"

"Aye aye." I repeated the standard military answer, hoping that it might have made her smile behind the helmet's shield.

"Move out." she ordered, and we followed.

The inner doors of the Normandy closed behind us and the ship VI warned us of pressure equalization. I took that moment to wonder why Shepard had suddenly begun referring to us by our last names. I knew it was standard procedure in the Alliance, but aboard the Normandy she had always addressed the non-Alliance members of her crew by our first names.

_If I am to be honest, being called by my family's name is rather jarring. Perhaps it is another human coping mechanism, like their propensity to be humorous in a serious situation. I…how strange it seems to realize __**now**__ that I have never lost someone near to me. Is it easier to cope when you do not know the name given them at birth, from which they crafted their identity and with which they lived their life?_

The thought startled me as the outer doors began to open and the VI announced that Executive Officer Pressly now had command of the ship.

_Is it for this reason that Shepard's first name is nowhere to be found? Is she truly the consummate soldier, devoid of any identity but the uniform and the mission? I do not see how that can be possible. She is kind, and considerate…behind a veneer of military bearing and logical reasoning. But has…has she, in her own way, made it easier to leave this existence? Or does she have no one who would care to know that name...one who would grieve for her as something other than a soldier?_

We exited the Normandy and I momentarily enjoyed the familiar feeling of stepping from a ship onto a new world. The solidity of the ground beneath my feet, the feel of the wind buffeting against me, though the helmet kept me from hearing any of the sounds of wildlife.

Shepard's shoulders stiffened as we approached a single human standing along the walkway of the hangar. I noticed the same tension in Garrus as well, and wondered if it were an instinct that they had honed, if they sensed something that I would not be prepared for or aware of.

"Hell of a welcoming committee." Shepard muttered.

"It would seem the colony is not deserted at least." Garrus replied. I remained quiet, attempting to learn as much as possible. "Though he does not appear to be armed. Quite strange considering that we landed without permission."

"It tells me one thing." Shepard answered. "Nothing good is happening. Keep an eye out, both of you. Last we thing we need is to be blindsided straight off."

She approached the man while Garrus fixed his attention on the entryway beyond. I watched the interaction, tapping into my biotics in case the need to use them should arise. I hoped that it would not.

"Thank God you've come." he breathed, the relief in his voice evident, even through my helmet.

"I'm Commander Shepard with the Alliance Navy." Shepard introduced herself. "What's going on here? Why were our hails not answered?"

"You will have to speak to Fai Dan." he answered, standing aside, a gesture even I could understand.

"Who is Fai Dan?" Shepard asked, her hand straying to her weapon as the tension in the air somehow thickened further.

"He's our…our leader for lack of a better word." the man answered. "Please, commander, we haven't much time."

"Lead the way." Shepard offered.

The man turned as gunshots rang out and bullets peppered the concrete. Geth rushed through the stairway across the docking bay, continuing their fire. A cry split the air and I ducked as the man fell, clutching a hole in his chest. The dull thud of a body hitting the ground rippled through me as the gunfire did not cease. I stared at the man on the ground…reading the scanner built into my helmet. No life signs registered. He was dead.

I felt a pit of cold growing in my stomach as I stared at the dark stain spreading across his chest. Shepard rose and fired back at our enemy, each shot felling a target with an accuracy that astounded me. A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, tearing my eyes from the dead man.

"I would advise moving unless you want to test your shield generators." Garrus hissed, before standing and returning fire on the geth.

I crept alongside the railing, slipping past the body on the ground, hating that he had to be left there, but understanding its necessity. Life and death hung in precarious balance…a drastic change that took but a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, beyond the cold spreading through me, there was a core of warmth. It whispered of anger and wrath, a fury incited by the fact that his life had been extinguished from the world. While its foreignness frightened me, a primal part of my mind understood that while the cold would numb, the fire would move me forward…that perhaps I needed to tap into this fury in order to help.

I let my biotics crackle against my hands and rose from behind the barrier, lifting a geth into the air and dragging him over the edge. Garrus fired from a kneeling position and I felt the greater weight register as the geth went limp. I dropped the geth and continued to move, feeling flecks of concrete sheared by bullets bouncing off of my shields.

Garrus followed, and I felt that he was remaining near to keep me safe. I looked for Shepard in the chaos, but I could not see her as the loud reports of weapon's fire grew lesser.

"Where's the commander?" I asked, looking back to Garrus, though it was not necessary.

"She went around." he explained as we rounded the corner.

"What happened to her rules?" I asked. "Wouldn't you consider dashing ahead into the enemy a hero's gesture?"

"Clear." Shepard's voice crackled over the com-link and I saw her rise from across the docking bay.

"You didn't know?" Garrus' voice carried a note of humor as we stood and walked to the commander, leaving the dead geth and the poor man behind us.

"Know what?" I inquired.

"The rules only apply to us." the turian answered, and I could hear the humor in his voice. "She's exempt."

"I heard that Vakarian." Shepard spoke, and Garrus chuckled. "T'Soni, you solid?"

"I believe so." I replied, though I wanted nothing more than to pull the commander aside and ask about the needless death, to have her explain battle to me, for at this moment it seemed the most senseless pursuit of any race and species.

I glanced back at the place where the dead man lay, but the wall kept the body from my view. My pulse was racing, and I glanced at the display on my screen of the vital signs of my companions. Garrus' heart rate was only slightly elevated but Shepard's…Shepard's had not changed. It beat even and steady, despite the chaos.

_I am beginning to think_, I thought as she used military hand signals to direct us into the stairwell where the geth had come from, _that perhaps she is not human at all…_


	21. Chapter 21

**Thessia**

Liara's voice trailed away and Sen glanced up, examining the heart monitor that stood beside the bed, noticing no medical reason for the war hero's silence. The jumping line indicated an even, steady heartbeat, much like that of Shepard's from Liara's tale.

Sen turned her attention to the archaeologist, who plucked idly at the bedcovers with her fingers, her blue eyes distant with the memories of what must have been the worst of times.

"What happened next?" Sen asked, eager to hear more of the story, the story that was not relayed in history books or the classrooms in which, she admitted to herself, Sen had been most assuredly bored.

_Yet now before me sits someone who was so enamored of history that she was drawn into the greatest conflict the galaxy over, _Sen thought. _I have never conceived that the pursuit of knowledge could lead to such an end. _

"Oh the timeline is familiar to you, I'm sure." Liara looked up and smiled. "What do you really want to know, Doctor T'Aryn?"

Sen flinched, amazed that she had been read and interpreted so easily. She swallowed and attempted to align her thoughts, to discover what the true reason behind her inquiry was. She wanted to discover the reasons behind this sudden thirst for history, to learn all she could before the opportunity passed. She wondered, for the briefest of moments, if this is what had persuaded Liara to put her life in danger. A desire to go beyond the borders of comfort and sanity…for the sake of discovery.

"What drove you to go with Commander Shepard?" Sen asked. "You spoke of yourself as being adamant, and that the adamancy was so antithetical to your character that it shocked you."

"It was antithetical to my character at the time." Liara admitted. "But, in truth, I had such a small grasp on my own identity that what I uncovered about it during those times was nothing more than…frightening. I demanded to accompany the commander, I realized later, because I was craving something so simple…_change._ I revolved around my work up until that point. It was my very life and my reason for being. There is a certain arrogance that is born into us asari, Sen. It is an arrogance born of long life, of the innate knowledge that we have from birth that we will have all the time we need to learn whatever we so desire."

"You are not wrong." Sen admitted. "But I do not understand the humility in your tone when you speak of it. Is it not a gift to our species?"

"A gift is always a curse in some form or another." Liara looked out of the window, to the sweeping high towers and the sky beyond, the glory of the city that surrounded them. "I was not prepared for that man to die, Sen. I was not prepared to see a life snuffed out in front of my eyes. It assaulted all of my senses on an intimate level, and I did not know how to go forward from there, much less understand how my companions were able to do so."

"I don't understand." Sen attempted to put together the pieces of Liara's words, to decipher the puzzle the older asari had presented, whether or not she was conscious of having done so.

"How do you look at death, Dr. T'Aryn?" Liara asked. "I am certain that you are familiar with it, given your profession."

"I…I am." Sen replied, stunned by the question. "While I despise those times I am unable to prevent it, it is a natural process."

"You stand light years away from where I was at that moment." Liara smiled. "I was a hundred and six, and death was centuries into the future, perhaps even a millennia. I had never suffered loss, nor seen death's ugly side. That moment changed me in ways I had not realized I could be altered."

Sen's eyes darkened as she remembered the first time in an operating room, where the heart beneath her hands had simply…given out. There was nothing she could have done to prevent it, and the heavy hand of investigation had proven her innocence. Yet somewhere in her heart, there was always that bit of guilt, that question hanging over her head like an executioner's axe.

_Could I have done something different? Could I have saved that life? _

"I did not comprehend how a man that had spoken just moments before could lie forever silent in the space of a few seconds." Liara shook her head. "I was such a fool, and I craved the time to sort it out, to confront the maelstrom of emotions that bombarded me in that moment, and sort them through with time and thought…an ultimate luxury that I had not realized that so many are not given. At first, I thought Shepard and Garrus so impossibly cold, to be able to watch that and move forward with little thought given to it."

"You mean they weren't?" Sen inquired, eager to learn more of the people who had shaped Liara's life and the face of the galaxy thorugh the Reaper War.

The heroes who had altered the fate of the universe…now there would be something. To have walked with giants and spoken to them, been able to hear their thoughts as she now heard Liara's, to know what passed through _their_ minds in the moments of great struggle. Sen found herself enrapt, wanting to know more, to hear everything, from the first moment to the last.

"No." Liara revealed. "But you could not convince me of that at the time. In Shepard's case…she had seen so much death, endured so much heartache. There was a place in her soul carved out for moments such as that one, where death entered and made its home. And in that home, the emotions I felt, the pain, the confusion, the sorrow turned into a monster and at times it came forth and devoured her. But I did not know that at the time. There was no place in my soul for death…there is truly no place in any asari for death as it impacts those shorter-lived."

"I remember." Sen whispered, recalling the unpleasant conversation with her mother concerning her relationship with Mira, how it was destined not to last, and how she must cherish each present moment while accepting that the end loomed in the nebulous future.

The cardiologist looked at the woman in the hospital bed, wondering in silence if Liara had shared those same words with Benezia. And if she had accepted them, as Sen had, what drove her to love a woman like Shepard, who constantly placed her already fragile life into mortal danger? Why had Liara embraced something so foolish?

"So what did you do?" Sen looked up, eager to stray from thoughts of mortality. "If you were so deeply impacted, how did you make it through the rest of the mission?"

"I was still the adamantine archaeologist." Liara grinned, looking, in that moment, only one hundred and six, as if recounting her past and turned back the hand of time itself. "And I did not want to endanger my companions, or jeopardize the trust they placed in me. So I continued learning."

"And what did you learn?"

Liara sighed. "An unhappy truth." she replied. "When we reached Zhu's Hope, the colony proper, Shpeard spoke to Fai Dan, their leader, and was in the process of learning more of the situation when the geth attacked again. We beat them back and returned. Fai Dan informed us that the colonists worked for a group called ExoGeni, an organization we had little knowledge of. He said that the main headquarters of ExoGeni had been overrun by the geth, and told us the way to get there. I expected Shepard, as a soldier, to immediately muster out."

"But she didn't?" Sen questioned, intrigued.

"No." Liara shook her head. "She asked if the colonists were all right, if they needed anything. We spent at least two hours helping restore power and water to the colony before heading to ExoGeni's headquarters. What we found there…it altered my perception of the world in such a way as to make me question everything I'd known before."

"And that was?" Sen sat up straighter, eager to hear more about the epiphanies had by an asari considered the galaxy over to be wise beyond her years, called upon for this wisdom by matriarchs and politicians of other species as well as the asari.

"As much as we hold ourselves above other races," Liara's voice lowered, becoming thick and heavy with emotions carried for centuries, "it is the asari who are…truly cold."


	22. Chapter 22

**Liara**

_**How **__did I convince myself that this was a good idea?_

The Mako jumped and lurched, unwieldy on its six tires as Shepard drove across the ramp like a madwoman. Her helmet sat in the floor, rattling about the cab as she intermittently slammed on the brakes and accelerated at what seemed a whim. My stomach churned as she punched the thrusters once more as a geth rocket flew beneath the undercarriage of the vehicle instead of slamming into it.

"Any time now, Garrus!" she yelled at the turian, who sat in the back of the vehicle, controlling the rail gun and the rocket launcher incorporated into this most odd and disturbing military transportation.

"I can't get a lock, commander." Garrus complained as the Mako lurched again.

Shepard turned hard and slammed on the brakes. I pitched forward into the dash as the vehicle shook when Garrus fired at the geth armature blocking us from moving forward.

"Direct hit." I could hear the pride in his voice. "And now I'm going to be sick."

"This thing is worthless." Shepard muttered as she pressed lightly on the accelerator and the Mako crept forward. "They named it after a shark but it handles like a rabid buffalo."

"I take it rabid buffalos are rather unwieldy." I commented as I closed my eyes, attempting to restore my jarred equilibrium.

"Never seen one, but I imagine handling it it would be quite like driving this damned Lockheed piece of shit." Shepard grinned, a roguish light in her eyes. "Military contractors!" she shouted as the Mako's tires ran over a piece of debris and nearly tilted the vehicle on its side. "Gotta love 'em."

"I do not think I do." I muttered as my stomach rose into my throat and I closed my eyes again, fighting the nausea.

Garrus chuckled from the rear of the Mako as the screen of the radio scanner flashed and settled on a frequency. We heard the indistinct crackle of voices, almost indecipherable except words such as "geth", "daughter" and "ExoGeni."

Shepard slowed the Mako to a crawl and cocked her ear towards the speaker, attempting to hear more of the garbled speech before the frequency went dead and the scanner continued searching for others.

"Do you think there are more survivors, other than the colonists?" I asked, hoping that it were true, for I had seen enough of death this day, enough destruction caused by a senseless war.

_Why?_ I asked myself for the thousandth time since we had exited the Normandy. _What is Saren's endgame? What is the purpose behind the destruction of these people and these planets? Why seek out the knowledge held by the Protheans...no one has cared for so long. It does not make any sense. And all of this suffering is so unnecessary. _

"That's what it sounds like." Shepard mused as she continued to force the Mako forward.

"Does it matter?" Garrus inquired. "We are here to discover the geth's true purpose. We should follow the enemy and exterminate them."

"Not without knowing their intentions." Shepard countered, holding up a single gloved finger for silence as the radio crackled again. "Liara, can you get a lock on where those transmissions are coming from?"

I keyed in the code to begin a trace and a bright green dot appeared on the Mako's radar. "Straight ahead." I answered, grateful that I could at least be of some service in this rolling death trap.

Shepard stopped the Mako as a doorway into an underground bunker came into view. "Look sharp." she warned. "They may not know we're friendly."

"Are we friendly?" Garrus asked, his smile, as were the smiles of all turians, somewhat disturbing.

"In this case, yes." Shepard frowned. "Helmets off and shields up, people. We don't know what we're walking into."

"But we're friendly." Garrus teased, and the commander seemed to take his insouciance in stride.

I did not blame her, given that the turian had performed admirably. Of course, given that their species made war a profession, requiring every able-bodied turian, male and female, to go through military training, his prowess did not shock me. I wondered, looking at Shepard, who was somehow lean and svelte and deadly in spite of her armor, if humanity treated their children the same. If they forced them into war…seeing that their species was so given to it.

_World War 2…_I remembered my research as we walked down the small slope and I shivered even in Feros' oppressive heat. _A conflict on a massive scale…and to be the __**second**_**. **_It should not surprise me that Shepard is so callous, if such a thing is part of their upbringing…violence must be embedded into their very nature, perhaps even in their genetic code. _

I heard the sound of raised voices as we entered. My mouth went dry as I saw the muzzles of weapons pointed at us, held by humans in uniforms that were faintly militaristic…a style often adapted by corporate security.

"Lower your weapons." a woman in the center of the room spoke. "They're not geth."

"It's not as though geth are the only enemies we've seen, Juliana." a man standing beside her grumbled. He had a decidedly unpleasant face, I decided, beady eyes that were cold even in the midst of disaster, and a thin mouth that had a downward tilt at their corners. His mustache did not impress either, giving me the distinct visual of a decaying rodent perching on his upper lip.

"I'm Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy." Shepard introduced herself, and the warmth that filled me had nothing to do with the heat of the atmosphere.

It was the firm affirmation in her voice, those five simple words that, in her intonation, whispered _"It's all right now. You're safe."_

"Are you here because of the geth?" the irritating man asked.

"In part." Shepard nodded. "We already cleared the colony…"

"Zhu's Hope?" the woman called Juliana asked. "There are others…they survived?"

"Yes, ma'am." Shepard replied. "It was a mess, but there are a few that managed to avoid getting killed. But as for the geth, do you know why they're here?"

"I haven't a clue." the man spoke too quickly, and even though I had little knowledge of humans, I could sense that he was lying.

"Mmhhm." Shepard muttered, non-committal. "So I'm assuming that the rest of them are up at the actual headquarters of ExoGeni?"

"Yes." the man answered. "But you're here _just_ to clear the geth, everything else is the property of…"

"Jeong." Juliana hissed.

"I didn't come here for corporate secrets, sir." Shepard cut them off, her eyes flashing with that dangerous metallic glint. "But if you keep impeding my mission, I might make it my business to find out."

Jeong's beady eyes flared, but he kept his mouth shut.

"Commander, please," Juliana entreated, drawing Shepard's attention to her. "My daughter…she was at headquarters when the geth ship arrived. I…I know that she is still alive. Please, if you could perhaps…"

The glint of sharpened metal faded from Shepard's gaze and the hard lines of her face softened infinitesimally. I wondered what was going through her mind.

_Is she thinking of the mother that she lost? Of the sister that she could not save? Please say you will, Shepard_, I yearned to speak, but knew that it was not my place in this situation. _Please say you will attempt to restore a family and ease a mother's aching heart…please…for both of us. Because your mother was taken too soon, and because mine never suffered for my absence. _

"Don't bother the commander with trivialities, Juliana." Jeong growled. "We can sort out the casualties after the threat is ended."

It seemed as though everything went silent. Fury filled my heart, deeper than when I had seen the man shot by the geth. I wanted to rage at Jeong, to educate him in a horrible, painful manner. The thought stunned me…I was a scholar! I did not think of hurting another. I did not harbor a violent instinct…_or so I have thought these one hundred and six years. Am I wrong?_

"What is your daughter's name, ma'am?" Shepard asked, her jaw tight, her words constricted.

"Lizbeth Baynham." Juliana answered, and all of the blood drained from the commander's face, leaving her a sickly shade of white.

_Elizabeth Shepard_, my mind threw an image of the list of casualties into my thoughts. _Age 8 months. _

"I'll find your daughter, Ms. Baynham." Shepard promised, her voice hoarse.

Jeong scoffed. "Commander, I think it best you not waste…"

"I'll decide how I spend my time, Mr. Jeong." Shepard snapped, her pallor seeming to transfer to Jeong as he saw the blaze in her eyes. "And I suggest you find a heart real soon, because if I come back and it's still missing," she thumped him in the chest with a gloved finger, "I'll go digging for it. T'Soni, Vakarian, move out!"

She stalked out of the bunker and back to the Rabid Buffalo, as I would forever think of the Mako now. Garrus and I followed, wondering what would happen next on this world. But I had other, more private thoughts that nagged.

_If she can walk away from death, without a care, without an effect on her body and mind…why does the thought of casualties trouble her? Is it the name? Because it was so like her sister's? I do not know…but I want to. _


	23. Chapter 23

**Liara**

"I'm really beginning to hate force fields." Shepard growled. "First Therum, now here." she turned to Garrus. "What do you want to bet this becomes a thing?"

"I'll hold my wager back for now." Garrus' voice crackled over the comm. "What is that human colloquialism…third time's the charm?"

Shepard nodded and gave the humming energy field that blocked our way into the ExoGeni headquarters a dismissive kick. The field rippled and the commander turned away. "Fair enough. But if we run into another one on a different planet, you owe me a beer."

Garrus chuckled…it seemed all turians ever did was chuckle. I had never heard a full bodied laugh in my one-hundred and six years.

"Why is the third time a charm?" I asked as we walked away from the door, seeking another point of entry.

Garrus snorted, finding the question humorous, but Shepard laughed. It was not a laugh of derision. I could hear the intonation, light and carefree and, if I were not mistaken…unexpected. And yet her gun remained at the ready, and I knew her eyes were absorbing her surroundings, seeking out the shadows for those who might lie in wait.

"I honestly don't know." Shepard answered. "That particular idiom is older than dirt."

"Such a thing is not possible." I countered as our flashlights scanned the areas, a building reduced to rubble when the geth ship had arrived and attacked. "The idea that spoken language pre-dates the ground itself is the height of logical fallacy."

"Metaphor, Liara." Shepard replied, and her tone was gentle.

"Oh." I blushed, thankful that my helmet concealed my shame, though I imagined Shepard was intuitive enough to understand the reason behind my monosyllabic response and subsequent silence.

"Shepard," Garrus turned our attention to a pile of rubble, "there's a way down here."

"Down and through?" the commander asked as she inspected the drop. "Or just down?"

Garrus shrugged, the movement hampered by his armor. "No way of knowing unless we see for ourselves."

"We have a state of the art ship, an over-qualified crew, whatever the hell the Mako is…but not a single drone to scan the area." Shepard quipped. "Once more into the breach, dear friends?"

"You've spent too much time with Chief Williams, commander." Garrus asserted. "Ancient quotes in the face of the unknown?"

"Just a coping mechanism, Vakarian." Shepard's tone had an edge. "Is there a reason you haven't jumped in the hole yet?"

"Commander, I thought you'd never ask." I could almost see the canny smile behind his helmet.

"I didn't, and you won't." Shepard teased. "I'll take point; T'Soni, you follow, then Garrus."

"Send the sniper to the back of the line." Garrus sounded miffed, but the emotion was not serious. "I see how things are."

"All the better to utilize your considerable talents." Shepard said, holstering her weapon on her back and climbing down into the hole. "Shine a light and keep me covered. I don't want any surprises."

I directed my flashlight into the hole punched in the earth and Garrus aimed his weapon. I hoped that no geth appeared with the commander in this vulnerable position, but she dropped the rest of the way with no trouble, and I followed, wincing as my feet made impact with the ground and my knees bent, absorbing the shock.

Shepared reached out and grabbed my elbow as I steadied myself and moved back so that Garrus could join us.

"Okay?" the commander asked.

"Yes." I replied, wishing that we had more than the flickering lights that remained functional and the flashlights of our suits and weapons to illuminate the area.

"Good." she removed her hand and took a step back, taking with her the strength and security that seemed ever present in her.

_How can humans require so many coping mechanisms…the quotes of old writers, the humor when it is not warranted…and still carry a strength with them that I have felt in no other species? The strength of the asari, the turians, the quarians, the krogan…all of them are different. The krogan have the strength of their bodies, the turians the strength of their weapons and intellect, the quarians have the strength of survivors against all odds, and the asari carry our strength in our soul. How is it that in the presence of humans, I can feel all of these…perhaps to a lesser degree than the other species, and yet still appealing. _

Garrus joined us and lifted his weapon, nodding to Shepard that he was ready. She turned and waved us forward, into the darkness. I coughed as the air filtered in, carrying the stench of death. We passed the body of a dead varren, its teeth jutting from between closed jaws, its eyes locked wide. Shepard knelt beside it and examined it.

"Shot. And recently." she informed us.

Garrus immediately swept the area with his eyes, the consummate military professional. "Be ready." he warned. "Where there's one, there's more, and where there's varren, you'll more than likely find a krogan."

"The ExoGeni folks did mention there being more than geth wandering around." Shepard shook her head and rose from her knees. "I don't like it."

"Well, you would need a sentient mind to accomplish Saren's agenda…whatever it is." Garrus calculated. "Though hiring krogan mercenaries rather defeats that idea."

He chuckled at his joke and I curled my lip in disgust. Racism was unpleasant, even in the form of humor.

"I tend to agree." Shepard assented. "The geth are just here to wipe out whatever resistance they may encounter. It'll be the organics going for whatever Saren is looking for on this planet."

"But we will not know what that is until we find at least one of them and discover what they are here for." I spoke. I wanted the mission to move forward, not only for clarity, but also in hopes to find somewhere with actual light.

I did not feel comfortable in the shadows of a mutilated world, buried beneath the earth, with no way out but through.

"Roger that, T'Soni." Shepard said, moving forward.

She stepped past me and a shot rang out. I heard an electric buzz and the commander flew backward, her helmet making a sickening crack against the ground. Garrus whirled, lifting his weapon in the direction the shot had come from, preparing to fire the instant he saw our attacker.

I rushed to the commander's prone form, my heart beating like a caged bird in my chest, my throat tightening with worry. If the bullet had penetrated her shields…if she were injured or worse, dead…

_Oh Goddess, please…please let her be all right. _


End file.
